Much frustration results when a person tries to be someone who they are not. When this happens a number of factors are at play. Pressure to conform to the expectations of others, the desire for acceptance, and the yearning to emulate other’s lifestyles are some of them.
You are a unique individual. No one else is exactly like you. You have aptitudes, abilities, desires, and a personality unlike anyone else’s. You need to recognize and be who you are.
It’s easy to get caught up with trends and fads. We see teenagers trying to be part of the crowd by getting tattoos and piercings as well as by the clothes they wear. Would they be acting the same way if their friends and role models weren’t doing it? They are flooded with examples of how to act. There are advertisements on TV, radio, and in magazines. Additionally, sports and entertainment celebrities receive constant publicity.
Peer pressure starts when they are young and follows them throughout life. It’s easy to loose your identity in an attempt to avoid criticism and please others.
Competition can also squelch your individuality. Adjusting your lifestyle to keep up with others becomes an insidious trap. A person you know acquires something, so you try to either match them or go one better. A vicious cycle ensues as each tries to outdo the other.
The issue is your motivation. Rather than living the way you really want to, you become driven by what others are doing. As a result, you compromise your goals. You may even loose touch with what it is you really desire.
Before you can be who you are, you must know who you are. A self-assessment is helpful. What matters to you may not be important to someone else and vice versa. You don’t need approval to be yourself.
Answer the following questions objectively. Don’t be concerned with anyone else’s opinions. You don’t need to share them with anyone. Your responses will help you understand yourself. What do you like and dislike? What are your goals? What’s important to you? What are your morals? What do you like and dislike in others? What do you want in a job? What do you enjoy for entertainment?
It’s not a big deal should you get sidetracked. Just get back on your path. A person who stays true to who they are is like a ship with a specific destination and the charts showing how to get there. Those who subvert themselves to what they think others want, are adrift with no rudder or objective.
Being who you are doesn’t eliminate the necessity for constant improvement. There is always room for self-development. You may discover aspects of your personality that require changing in order to make you a better person.
Be who you are and be the best you can be. Don’t bow to peer pressure or the opinions of others. It’s your life and you are the only one responsible for how you live it.
NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.
Some people have ambition while others don’t. But ambition isn’t required for happiness. So, does ambition serve a purpose? Ambition is beneficial when it originates from your own desire. Ambition can be detrimental if it is externally imposed on you by another person.
A common example of externally imposed ambition is a parent’s expectations for their son or daughter. The expectation of the parents may be at odds with what their child desires. When the child grows up and strives to please their parents, the child may feel frustrated and unfulfilled.
Cathy’s father, Ben, was a successful accountant at a major corporation. When Cathy went off to college, Ben pushed her to major in accounting. His motivation was benevolent. Ben felt an accounting degree would allow his daughter to have a secure career.
Cathy did well in school, graduated, and went on to become a CPA. She got a good job which allowed her to live comfortably. The only problem was that Cathy didn’t really like accounting and only went into the field because of Ben’s encouragement.
As a result, Cathy wasn’t happy with her career. She had always wanted to be a teacher. Cathy did not have much ambition as an accountant. As the years passed by, her dissatisfaction with accounting grew. Ben was upset that Cathy wasn’t happy.
Matt was employed as a department manager for a small hardware store. He had worked there for many years, starting right out of high school. Matt never wanted to go to college. He was happy with his life. Matt lived comfortably, liked his job, the people he worked for, and the customers.
Matt’s brother Stan, had taken a different career path. Stan had gone to college, went on to get a Ph.D. and was now a college professor. Stan thought Matt could be doing more with his life and wasn’t shy about sharing his opinions with Matt.
But Matt didn’t care about what Stan or anyone else thought. He was content and didn’t feel any need to change things. One could say Matt lacked ambition. Yet Matt was just as happy, if not more so, as people who were constantly driven to achieve more.
Ambition is good when it is based on your own goals. There is no shortage of those wanting to tell you what they think you should do. People may offer opinions, but you are not obligated to listen to them. You know what you want. You don’t need to be told.
But ambition is only a starting point. You must take action to follow your ambition. If you don’t, frustration or discontent will follow. Ambition without action is useless.
If you have ambition, great. Do what it takes to turn your dreams into reality. If you have no ambition but are happy, that’s also great. But if you are not happy with your situation, it is never too late to fire up your ambition in order to change direction. You will never be as young as you are today. Live you life the way you want to.
NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.
“He who never made a mistake never made a discovery.” – Samuel Smiles
Although no one wants to, we all make mistakes. It’s virtually unavoidable. Mistakes have a stigma associated with them. To many people, mistakes are synonymous with failure, and no one wants to be labeled a failure.
When faced with two or more options, mistake avoidance plays a significant role in the decision making process. So rather than analyzing which choice offers the greatest rewards, you limit yourself by gravitating towards the alternative with the least risk.
The only way to avoid making mistakes is to attempt nothing. But that is in itself a mistake. Therefore, mistakes are an inevitable part of life. This is an important fact to accept since wisdom is attained only through mistakes.
So here are your objectives. Don’t take reckless chances. Learn from the mistakes of others. Armed with knowledge, move forward with the goal of success. Don’t be afraid of mistakes. Instead, accept them as part of the learning process. When you do make a mistake, you will gain wisdom.
The concept is really simple. If you want different results you must change your behavior. When you make a mistake, you need to take responsibility for your actions. You can’t blame someone or something else. If you refuse to take responsibility for your behavior, there is virtually no chance of obtaining different results. You are the only one in charge of the direction your life takes.
Is it possible to correct a mistake? Yes and no. No, you can’t change the past. There are no do overs. Yes, you can make changes that prevent you from repeating the past. Suppose someone gets fired because they were constantly late. They can make sure they are always early or on time at their next job.
Perhaps a person has bad credit because their payments are often late. They can improve their financial situation by starting to make their payments on time. An individual who is gaining weight because of his eating habits and lifestyle isn’t relegated to being overweight and out of shape. All it takes is a change in diet and exercise.
Everyone who achieves success has made many mistakes. After each mistake, they assess what went wrong and why. Then they pick themselves up, make the necessary adjustments, and keep going. They repeat this process as often as necessary until their goals are reached. With each cycle, their knowledge grows.
The journey to success is filled with falls, bumps, and bruises. Perfection, if it exists, is only achieved as a result of numerous mistakes. Anyone who claims never to have made a mistake has not realized any meaningful accomplishments.
Welcome mistakes as the opportunity for growth they are. Learn from each one. Don’t become discouraged. Ignore any criticisms others may offer. Never, ever give up because something you attempted didn’t have the desired results. A mistake is an opportunity to try again with more knowledge.
NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.
Everyone has problems, challenges, adversity, and obstacles they have to deal with. Collectively, these are commonly referred to as troubles. For many, their troubles become their constant companions. They leave work and bring their troubles home. They go to work and bring the troubles from home. Wherever they go, their troubles are always by their side.
Carrying your troubles with you creates constant stress. Additionally, your mental state will repel people you interact with. You will become unpleasant to be around. You will be easily agitated. You may snap at others for no reason or at the slightest provocation.
When your troubles are always with you, there is no let up. As your frustration builds, your ability to effectively handle your problems diminishes.
Just because you have troubles doesn’t mean you have to constantly drag them with you. There are a few simple steps you can follow to break this habit. The goal is to resolve your troubles, not transport them.
There are many different aspects to your life. Besides your job, there is your home life. Next there is your work. Then, your friends. Also, there are various relatives from parents to in-laws.
Consider each aspect as a separate cabin on a ship. To prevent sinking, each cabin has a watertight door that seals it from the rest of the ship. As you move from one cabin to another, you close each door behind you.
This is the exact same strategy to use when dealing with your troubles. When you leave work, seal your work-related troubles behind you. When you leave home, do the same thing. When you get back to work, you can deal with the issues affecting you there.
There are a number of benefits to this approach. You can give each element in your life your full attention and you won’t take out your frustrations on innocent bystanders.
When you have troubles, your goal should be to resolve them, not carry them around. By compartmentalizing all of the issues you are facing, you free yourself to deal with each challenge when most appropriate. With each problem, take appropriate action. Don’t just fret and worry.
There are too many examples of someone’s marriage suffering because of their job or a job suffering because of problems at home. People who carry their troubles with them are constantly irritable and short-tempered. Their personality becomes sour. In the worst situations, these people actually endanger themselves and others. This can manifest in road rage, violent or abusive behavior, and drug and alcohol abuse.
If you are used to carrying your troubles with you, compartmentalizing will take some time and effort. The first step is developing an awareness of what your problems are and where they originate. Going through a mental checklist daily will help.
When you get into the habit of leaving your troubles behind, you will feel happier and healthier. Additionally, you will find it easier to solve your problems.
NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.
As a reader of this column, you are striving to improve your life. You want to attain your goals and bring your dreams into reality. You want to break through your self-imposed limitations. So you follow all of the advice in this column.
But you think nothing is working. You are doing all the right things. Your attitude is positive. You are motivated. You have specific goals and a plan to reach them. You are taking action. Yet, still you feel as if you are not making the progress you had hoped for.
Have faith. Even if you have not yet seen results, you have put things into motion. It’s only the timeframe that causes frustration because it is unknown. Never give up hope. If you regress to inaction, it’s guaranteed that you will not get the results you seek.
Major goals are not realized overnight with one simple step. The distance you have to travel on the road to success is not known. But you will never arrive if you lie down along the side or turn around and go back to where you started. With each step you take you make progress. Your journey is be filled with many benefits. On your way to the big goals, you are be improving your life in numerous smaller, but no less significant, ways.
You are getting rid of your mental garbage. Clearing out your mind enables you to intensify your focus. Squeezing the most out of each day becomes easier.
Your ability to get through tough times improves. Every road to success is filled with obstacles, challenges, and adversity. Only those who become adept at dealing with whatever lies ahead maintain their forward motion. You are learning how to deal with conflict and to manage stress.
Controlling your thoughts becomes a habit. It is your thoughts that attract what you want. By keeping your mind on your destination you avoid becoming a magnet for undesirable situations.
You develop immunity to what others say, think, or do. On your journey you will encounter many who seek to discourage you. You future is in your hands, not theirs.
Rather than being consumed by the past or apprehensive of the future, you are living in the present. The past is over. The action you take today determines your future. Worry is useless.
By increasing the belief in yourself, you are overcoming fear of failure and becoming more self-reliant. Within you lies more potential than you realize.
Clearly, the journey to success is fueled by your self-development. We experience frustration when we focus on our destination without appreciating our growth along the way. So when you feel nothing is working, give yourself encouragement by recognizing the progress you are making.
Don’t loose faith in your efforts. The reason more people fail than succeed is because many get frustrated and give up short of attaining their goals. Just keep going and you will succeed.
NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.
by Bryan Golden
