The Resident » Lifestyles

Caring: What does it truly mean?

admin — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 21:11:59 +0000

By: Bryan Golden

Too often we underestimate

the power of a touch, a

smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or

the smallest act of caring, all of

which have the potential to turn a

life around.” — Leo Buscaglia

What does it mean to be a caring

person? Are you one? A caring

person is sensitive to the needs and

feelings of others. It’s not enough to

feel you care, you have to be willing

to take some action that can help

another to feel better.

Those who are overly self absorbed are not able to care about

others. They are too concerned

about their own circumstances to be

aware of anyone else. Self-absorbed

people often feel life is a contest

where they have to vie against others

for a piece of a limited pie.

This outlook is substantially

flawed. There is more than enough

for everyone. Life offers unlimited

abundance. However, self-absorbed

people will constantly struggle to

achieve their goals, if they achieve

them at all.

When you care about others,

rather than being wrapped up in

yourself, you attract more of what

you want as a result of helping others.

Caring people tend to be happier,

Caution: An Excuse for Indecision

BGolden — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 04:03:25 +0000

by Bryan Golden

People often ask too little from life because they are cautious. Their reasoning for this is the desire to stay safe. Caution can keep you from getting hurt. Being extra cautious is often stated as a reason to avoid something new. Caution can also be used as justification for being indecisive.

If caution is overly exercised, you will miss opportunities. Undue caution causes paralysis by analysis. In this syndrome, a person is so consumed with avoiding mistakes that they are unable to make any decision at all.

When used appropriately, caution plays a valid role in decision making. When misapplied, caution is used as an excuse for inaction. In order to succeed, it’s important to use caution wisely.

People are overly cautious when they consistently fear the worst. Caution must be balanced with reason to keep it from being a detriment.

The other end of the spectrum is being reckless. Reckless people don’t care about potential risks. They rarely plan for the future. The reckless individual acts as if they are not at all concerned about the consequences of their actions.

You want to use caution to your advantage. In order to do this, you have to perform a realistic risk / benefit analysis. Consider the worst case scenario, along with the chances of it occurring. Life is not risk free, but most of the situations we worry about never come to pass.

There is no way 100% safety can ever be guaranteed. Whenever you attempt something new, evaluate the potential benefits compared to the risks. Perhaps you are unhappy at your job. You would really like to work someplace else but are concerned you may not find another satisfactory position.

The overly cautious person wouldn’t bother looking for other employment. Their caution will cause them to stay where they are rather than risk something worse. A person who is realistic about the potential of a better job realizes that even if a new job doesn’t work out, there are many other opportunities for employment. They will look for something else instead of suffering.

Caution causes people to settle for less than they really want. They convince themselves circumstances could always be worse. Although this belief is technically true, it doesn’t lead to happiness and a high quality life.

Appropriate caution can also prevent you from squandering your future in favor of a short term, temporary gain. “I don’t know why I did that, I must not have been thinking,” is a statement you don’t want to be making. The carpenters saying, “measure twice, cut once,” contains much wisdom.

Reaching your goals always involves some degree of risk. However, the degree of risk is reduced by your preparation, determination, hard work, and positive attitude. Use caution to avoid needless risks which offer little or no reward. You also want to avoid risks where success is based on luck. Don’t let caution keep you from getting all you want from life.

NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.

© Bryan Golden

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Don’t Try. Just Do It.

BGolden — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 04:04:45 +0000

by Bryan Golden

How often have you heard someone say, “I’ll give it a try?” Perhaps, you’ve even said it yourself. We all were told to try harder. The problem with trying is that it provides a plausible way out if you decide to give up.

Who can fault a person who says, “I gave it my best try but it didn’t work.” Well, if an individual tried, what more can be asked of them?

There is a big difference between “I’ll try” and “I will.” To try is to attempt. A person who will do something won’t accept failure. They are determined to persist until success is realized.

The person who tries, starts out with some doubt as to the probability of success. They are not fully convinced, beyond any doubt, that what they are attempting will work. This inhibits the individual from doing whatever it takes to be successful. At the first obstacle, they are prone to declare their goal unattainable and give up.

The difference between success and failure is attitude. What appears to be only a slight difference in thought has a major impact on results. By making a minor change to your approach, you will transform your life from one of frustration to one of obtainable goals.

It all starts with a recognition that there is a solution for every problem and a way past every obstacle. This allows you to tap into your inner well of determination before you even start to tackle the situation you are facing.

Tell yourself, “I will succeed. There is a way and I will find it.” I can’t emphasize enough the role your initial mental state plays in the final outcome you will experience. Before you begin, program into your mind that failure is not an option.

Understand it’s normal to experience challenges, obstacles, or adversities. This way, you won’t be dismayed when they occur. As you encounter these bumps in the road, keep focused on your destination.

Other people will encourage you to give up at the first sign of trouble. Although their input is very discouraging, you must not allow them to dissuade you. From these people you will hear every reason imaginable as to why it’s OK to abandon your pursuit. The naysayers will always conclude with, “but you gave it your best try.”

You also need to fend off your own negative thoughts. It’s only human for doubt to creep in when the going gets tough. You will get tired, frustrated and irritated. Your enthusiasm will become depleted. Just as you ignore negative comments from others, disregard your internal sentiments as well.

The bottom line is that you only fail when you give up. When you are faced with challenges, bailing out may appear to be the easy route. But abandoning your goals means you won’t be living the life you want. Instead, you will then be settling for something less desirable.

If you are not really prepared to go the distance, to do whatever it takes, to overcome all obstacles, don’t waste your time by giving something a try. The success you experience is based on your efforts. Be the person who succeeded rather than one who tried.

© Bryan Golden

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Escaping From Problems

BGolden — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 04:01:40 +0000

by Bryan Golden

We all need to take a break from the daily grind. Evenings, weekends, holidays and vacations provide us with an opportunity to rest, recharge and recoup. Without these recovery periods, there is a greatly increased risk of burnout. Proper balance is important.

However, there is a big difference between healthy regeneration time and escaping reality to avoid dealing with issues that require some type of action. A normal break gives you the chance to reenergize in order to better handle life. The person who escapes is attempting to avoid dealing with reality altogether.

At some point, the escapist has to face those situations they tried to run away from. Given a choice, no one wants to have problems. The desire to run away from them is a normal emotion. Although escape may be appealing, there will come a time when you have to stop hiding and deal with life.

Some people escape through drug and alcohol abuse. This approach is particularly insidious as it is self-destructive, creating another whole set of problems on top of the original situation. This is one of the worst forms of escape there is.
Others escape by spending all of their time lost in their work. They become so consumed with a career or business that they neglect home and family issues. Then there are those who devote all of their free time to hobbies, sports, socializing, or other activities.

Another type of escape is moving frequently in search of a place free from problems. There is a catch with this strategy also: unresolved problems follow a person wherever they go.
Escapists make excuses justifying their behavior. They always have a reason why they aren’t addressing important issues in their life. They may even deny any problems exist at all. Escapists hide from reality by doing anything that keeps them from facing problems requiring action.

How can you tell if you are trying to escape? Start by taking an honest look at your life. What are the important unresolved issues with work and family? If you are too busy to deal with them, you may be trying to escape.
Although escaping may seem the easier route, all it does is prolong the inevitable reckoning you will face in the future. Remember, ignored problems tend to grow in severity.

So if you deceive yourself by escaping, your obstacles will increasing in intensity. Once you reach the point at which escape is no longer possible, you can have a monster that is out of control.

Escapists may seem happy. In reality they are building a house of cards whose collapse is inevitable. Escapists may even attempt to avoid responsibility for their problems by blaming other people or circumstances.

Keep your life in balance. Take breaks to recharge. Allow yourself time to identify and evaluate problems. Formulate a plan of attack before situations mushroom out of control. Abusing drugs and alcohol is never a solution. They will only exacerbate your problems with blinding speed.

© Bryan Golden

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The Loose Thread

BGolden — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 04:02:22 +0000

by Bryan Golden

Pull on a loose thread dangling from a carpet and the entire carpet can unravel. Some seemingly small things in life can have the same effect. Left untended they can lead to much greater consequences than imagined.

Human tendency is to ignore small things in order to give our attention to larger issues that have already reached the crisis stage. These emergency situations scream for attention. The minor ones, the loose threads, fall by the wayside. Since they carry no immediate consequences, we feel loose threads can be safely put off.

This strategy creates a crisis incubator in which a continual source of minor issues are given time to develop into major situations. Those who experience this phenomenon become frustrated with the seemingly endless flow of serious predicaments requiring resolution.

Although some emergencies can’t be predicted or prevented, many can be eliminated by tending to the issues while they are still in the relatively insignificant stage. Solving a problem early takes much less effort than handling it once it becomes overwhelming.

Since it’s easier to fix a problem when it’s small, why not do it? Your life will be much less stressful and more manageable. With a small change in behavior, you will experience big rewards.

Start by becoming aware of problems when they first arise. Once you identify an issue, decide what action needs to be taken. If you are not sure what to do, don’t just ignore the situation. Keep focused until you formulate a plan.

You may need to seek the advice of someone who has expertise in your area of difficulty. When your car is making a strange noise, talk to a mechanic. If something is bothering you physically, see a doctor. For a legal issue, consult a lawyer.

Other problems can be solved by taking action yourself. Nothing will ever be fixed by worry or anguish. Many of life’s problems can be dealt with early on by utilizing common sense. Spending some time evaluating various solutions will often yield the answer you need.

Be cautious about seeking advice from friends and family. Although their advice may be well meaning, it may not be appropriate for your situation. Everyone will have suggestions for you. It’s up to you to use discretion in deciding who you listen to.

As you begin to solve problems when they are small, you will start to see a reduction in the number and magnitude of major issues. It won’t happen overnight, but it will occur.

Once you get in the habit of early problem resolution, you will wonder why you didn’t do it sooner. It takes a lot less effort than dealing with situations when they are out of hand.

You can learn to deal with the loose threads. Don’t make any excuses for not doing so. Regardless of your current situation, being proactive will make things better.

© Bryan Golden

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Learning To Let Go

BGolden — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 04:02:29 +0000

by Bryan Golden

We all have memories, thoughts, experiences, beliefs, and habits that, although limiting to our progress, are hard to let go of. We may not even be aware of their existence or just how constraining they are.

In order to accomplish all that you want, you must learn to let go of those elements which inhibit you. When you hold onto something over an extended period of time, the tendency is to give it credibility just because of its longevity.

Jan was thin and awkward looking when she was in elementary school and through most of high school. She was very self-conscious and shy. Jan watched as other more attractive girls were more popular and had many friends.

In college, Jan got involved in sports. Her body filled out while her coordination greatly improved. Today, Jan is in her early 30’s. She is attractive and confident looking. Yet the memories of her school days still affect her. Jan is very shy, fearing people won’t be attracted to her as in the past.

Jan’s memories of the past have become her current reality. She sees herself as she used to be, not as she is. Jan won’t let go of her school recollections. As a result, Jan finds it hard to meet people because she avoids situations where she may be rejected.

Kathy has worked for the same company, in the same position, for the past ten years. She is a great employee with lots of potential. Her boss is afraid of being upstaged by Kathy. Each year, at her annual review, he gives Kathy only a mediocre report. As a result, Kathy has never received a promotion.

Kathy considers the experience with her boss an indication of her lack of promotability. Kathy now feels she will never get a promotion because she isn’t good enough. Kathy has to let go of the experience with her boss and either move to another department with her current employer or find another job where she will be more appreciated.

Ed’s parents repeatedly told him he wouldn’t amount to much. They told Ed the world was a tough place which was very unforgiving. His parents made Ed feel as if he didn’t have much chance of success. Now, an adult, Ed realizes his parents were wrong in their assessment of him. Nevertheless, he blames his parents for his failure to reach his goals. Ed believes his parents’ influence has prevented him from attaining his dreams.

So long as Ed continues to believe he has been limited by what his parents told him, he will be. Until Ed lets go of his parents’ influence, he will continue to subconsciously sabotage his future, thus meeting his parents low expectations.

Examine your life to determine what limitations you have been hanging on to. Everyone has something, so there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Start with one of the issues you discover and practice letting go. You can do this by replacing the thoughts or behavior with ones that are more positive.

Learning to let go becomes easier with practice. You are never too old and it’s never too late for you to get started.

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Simple Steps To Reduce Stress

BGolden — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 04:01:55 +0000

by Bryan Golden

Each day you are exposed to stress inducing events and people. There are both minor and major situations you have to deal with. What causes stress is very different for every person. You can’t judge how you should react to stress by looking at how others handle it.

Regardless of the source of stress, there are techniques for reducing your stress level. All of the following are simple and easy to implement. To be effective, they must be consistently applied.

Stress won’t go away by ignoring it. Its effects are cumulative. Low level stress can actually be more insidious than major stress. You adjust to low level stress and accept it as normal. This raises your stress threshold but doesn’t mitigate the negative effects.

One of the root causes of stress is our fast paced lifestyle. It’s a real challenge to find some quiet time to relax and recharge. Give yourself a break. It’s OK to turn off your cell phone, TV and computer. Go ahead and have some fun instead.

Eating properly is important. Food is the fuel that keeps your mind and body functioning. If you run out of energy, you are much more susceptible to stress. It’s not only necessary to consume the right foods but also to eat at appropriate times. When pressed for time, the first activity to go by the wayside is eating. Skipping meals, using junk food as a meal substitute, and eating while on the run, all have deleterious effects.
A certain amount of stress can’t be avoided. Exercise provides a healthy stress release. Regular physical activity is the key. At least three or four times a week is ideal. You don’t have to join a health club or use a personal trainer.

Identify those circumstances you find stressing. Before you encounter them, mentally rehearse not getting stressed out. Then, when they do occur, your reaction will be much more relaxed. The more you practice not letting stress get the best of you, the less it will happen.

Maintain a sense of humor. Laughter is a great stress reducer. Virtually all situations contain a humorous component. Whenever you make a joke it helps you cope. Being too serious all the time encourages burnout.

Count to ten. You heard this when you were a kid. It still works. When you feel stressed, count to ten before reacting. This technique will prevent you from flying off the handle and making circumstances worse.

Get enough sleep. When you are tired, you are more prone to stress. Proper rest is just as import as a good diet. Both are essential for the proper functioning of your mind and body. When you are fatigued, your capability for sound reasoning is diminished. Additionally, you will tend to blow things out of proportion. Children get cranky when they are tired, adults get stressed.

These are some simple steps you can take to reduce your stress. They only work if you apply them. Be proactive. Stress doesn’t have to be overwhelming.

NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com.

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Do You Have a Price?

BGolden — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 04:03:05 +0000

by Bryan Golden

You’ve heard the saying, “Everyone has their price.” This refers to the tendency of people to compromise or abandon their ethics for the right price. The person who is willing to travel this route doesn’t really have ethics.

True ethics are not for sale. An individual who is willing to alter his or her beliefs for great enough remuneration never had principles at all. Someone who has firm convictions will not be influenced by any price.

Yet people from all cross sections of society do have a price as well as numerous justifications to absolve them of guilt. It doesn’t matter whether a person has a high price or a low one, the end result is the same, they can be bought or will sell out.
When you have a price, you will find yourself in numerous predicaments. You become obligated to those who have paid you. As soon as you alter your behavior in return for something of value, the person who paid you will always have something to hold over you. So, in addition to whatever you did, you will also be compromising your freedom.

When you do something you normally would not have, you will always be looking over your shoulder in fear of being caught. Even if you aren’t involved in anything illegal, doing something unethical will have negative consequences.

Having a price also entails compromising your reputation. Once lost, your reputation is virtually impossible to restore. As one who is available to the highest bidder, you will be known as someone who can’t be relied on or trusted.

You also give up your dignity. Regardless of how one attempts to justify selling out, they can’t hold their head up high or feel good about their actions.

The best way to live is to not have a price at which you are willing to act unethically or illegally. People who don’t have a price never have to wonder what to do when faced with an ethical dilemma. They will choose to do the right thing. The amount of money being offered is never an issue.

Refusing to have a price attracts good things to you. Those who sell out descend into a downward spiral. When you have unshakable integrity, you repel negative people and circumstances.

Although having a price is never good, when those in positions of public trust can be bought, the ramifications are widespread. Not only will their malevolent actions impact many people, the actions of just a few sully the reputation of entire groups.

If you have a price, you will negate all you are looking to accomplish. There are no shortcuts to reaching your goals. The path of least resistance is a sure route to calamity.

Make sure you don’t have a price. It’s never too late to take a firm ethical stand. The fact that others can be bought isn’t a justification for you to compromise your life. This column focuses on enabling you to break through your limitations. Having a price is a limitation that will supercede all others.

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