We all have memories, thoughts, experiences, beliefs, and habits that, although limiting to our progress, are hard to let go of. We may not even be aware of their existence or just how constraining they are.
In order to accomplish all that you want, you must learn to let go of those elements which inhibit you. When you hold onto something over an extended period of time, the tendency is to give it credibility just because of its longevity.
Jan was thin and awkward looking when she was in elementary school and through most of high school. She was very self-conscious and shy. Jan watched as other more attractive girls were more popular and had many friends.
In college, Jan got involved in sports. Her body filled out while her coordination greatly improved. Today, Jan is in her early 30’s. She is attractive and confident looking. Yet the memories of her school days still affect her. Jan is very shy, fearing people won’t be attracted to her as in the past.
Jan’s memories of the past have become her current reality. She sees herself as she used to be, not as she is. Jan won’t let go of her school recollections. As a result, Jan finds it hard to meet people because she avoids situations where she may be rejected.
Kathy has worked for the same company, in the same position, for the past ten years. She is a great employee with lots of potential. Her boss is afraid of being upstaged by Kathy. Each year, at her annual review, he gives Kathy only a mediocre report. As a result, Kathy has never received a promotion.
Kathy considers the experience with her boss an indication of her lack of promotability. Kathy now feels she will never get a promotion because she isn’t good enough. Kathy has to let go of the experience with her boss and either move to another department with her current employer or find another job where she will be more appreciated.
Ed’s parents repeatedly told him he wouldn’t amount to much. They told Ed the world was a tough place which was very unforgiving. His parents made Ed feel as if he didn’t have much chance of success. Now, an adult, Ed realizes his parents were wrong in their assessment of him. Nevertheless, he blames his parents for his failure to reach his goals. Ed believes his parents’ influence has prevented him from attaining his dreams.
So long as Ed continues to believe he has been limited by what his parents told him, he will be. Until Ed lets go of his parents’ influence, he will continue to subconsciously sabotage his future, thus meeting his parents low expectations.
Examine your life to determine what limitations you have been hanging on to. Everyone has something, so there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Start with one of the issues you discover and practice letting go. You can do this by replacing the thoughts or behavior with ones that are more positive.
Learning to let go becomes easier with practice. You are never too old and it’s never too late for you to get started.
NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.
Each day you are exposed to stress inducing events and people. There are both minor and major situations you have to deal with. What causes stress is very different for every person. You can’t judge how you should react to stress by looking at how others handle it.
Regardless of the source of stress, there are techniques for reducing your stress level. All of the following are simple and easy to implement. To be effective, they must be consistently applied.
Stress won’t go away by ignoring it. Its effects are cumulative. Low level stress can actually be more insidious than major stress. You adjust to low level stress and accept it as normal. This raises your stress threshold but doesn’t mitigate the negative effects.
One of the root causes of stress is our fast paced lifestyle. It’s a real challenge to find some quiet time to relax and recharge. Give yourself a break. It’s OK to turn off your cell phone, TV and computer. Go ahead and have some fun instead.
Eating properly is important. Food is the fuel that keeps your mind and body functioning. If you run out of energy, you are much more susceptible to stress. It’s not only necessary to consume the right foods but also to eat at appropriate times. When pressed for time, the first activity to go by the wayside is eating. Skipping meals, using junk food as a meal substitute, and eating while on the run, all have deleterious effects.
A certain amount of stress can’t be avoided. Exercise provides a healthy stress release. Regular physical activity is the key. At least three or four times a week is ideal. You don’t have to join a health club or use a personal trainer.
Identify those circumstances you find stressing. Before you encounter them, mentally rehearse not getting stressed out. Then, when they do occur, your reaction will be much more relaxed. The more you practice not letting stress get the best of you, the less it will happen.
Maintain a sense of humor. Laughter is a great stress reducer. Virtually all situations contain a humorous component. Whenever you make a joke it helps you cope. Being too serious all the time encourages burnout.
Count to ten. You heard this when you were a kid. It still works. When you feel stressed, count to ten before reacting. This technique will prevent you from flying off the handle and making circumstances worse.
Get enough sleep. When you are tired, you are more prone to stress. Proper rest is just as import as a good diet. Both are essential for the proper functioning of your mind and body. When you are fatigued, your capability for sound reasoning is diminished. Additionally, you will tend to blow things out of proportion. Children get cranky when they are tired, adults get stressed.
These are some simple steps you can take to reduce your stress. They only work if you apply them. Be proactive. Stress doesn’t have to be overwhelming.
NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com.
You’ve heard the saying, “Everyone has their price.” This refers to the tendency of people to compromise or abandon their ethics for the right price. The person who is willing to travel this route doesn’t really have ethics.
True ethics are not for sale. An individual who is willing to alter his or her beliefs for great enough remuneration never had principles at all. Someone who has firm convictions will not be influenced by any price.
Yet people from all cross sections of society do have a price as well as numerous justifications to absolve them of guilt. It doesn’t matter whether a person has a high price or a low one, the end result is the same, they can be bought or will sell out.
When you have a price, you will find yourself in numerous predicaments. You become obligated to those who have paid you. As soon as you alter your behavior in return for something of value, the person who paid you will always have something to hold over you. So, in addition to whatever you did, you will also be compromising your freedom.
When you do something you normally would not have, you will always be looking over your shoulder in fear of being caught. Even if you aren’t involved in anything illegal, doing something unethical will have negative consequences.
Having a price also entails compromising your reputation. Once lost, your reputation is virtually impossible to restore. As one who is available to the highest bidder, you will be known as someone who can’t be relied on or trusted.
You also give up your dignity. Regardless of how one attempts to justify selling out, they can’t hold their head up high or feel good about their actions.
The best way to live is to not have a price at which you are willing to act unethically or illegally. People who don’t have a price never have to wonder what to do when faced with an ethical dilemma. They will choose to do the right thing. The amount of money being offered is never an issue.
Refusing to have a price attracts good things to you. Those who sell out descend into a downward spiral. When you have unshakable integrity, you repel negative people and circumstances.
Although having a price is never good, when those in positions of public trust can be bought, the ramifications are widespread. Not only will their malevolent actions impact many people, the actions of just a few sully the reputation of entire groups.
If you have a price, you will negate all you are looking to accomplish. There are no shortcuts to reaching your goals. The path of least resistance is a sure route to calamity.
Make sure you don’t have a price. It’s never too late to take a firm ethical stand. The fact that others can be bought isn’t a justification for you to compromise your life. This column focuses on enabling you to break through your limitations. Having a price is a limitation that will supercede all others.
NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.
Ideas are either the engine of achievement or the instruments of destruction. Ideas have such power because ideas precede action. An idea without action is ineffectual. Good ideas can be supported with sound reasoning. They can withstand scrutiny, analysis, and challenge.
A bad idea is not merely a good idea that didn’t work out as expected. A bad idea is rooted in selfishness and shows a total disregard for the well being of others. People who purposely espouse bad ideas typically have an air of superiority.
A bad idea defies logic. It will crumble if questioned. Bad ideas have to be forced on people. Good ideas attract supporters like a magnet. Both good and bad ideas can be equally powerful. Only by using intelligence and common sense can we distinguish between them.
An idea can impact one or many. Ideas that effect an individual are obviously not as critical as those that have broader consequences. When you have an idea for your own life that doesn’t work, you are the one impacted. When someone else has an idea for how others should live, and it proves to be wrong, many may suffer.
Good ideas are easy to explain and understand. They make sense. People will flock to support good ideas. Good ideas help make life better. All of the societal and technological advances throughout history are the result of good ideas.
Bad ideas are responsible for suffering, misery, and abuse of some groups of people by others. Invariably, bad ideas are cloaked in secrecy and deception. They are implemented by coercion with the explicit goal of silencing all dissent.
Bad ideas are used to gain power under the false premise of being benevolent. Bad ideas are used to advance surreptitious, selfish agendas. They are promoted with lies and false promises. People who knowingly promote bad ideas don’t care about anyone else’s well being.
Bad ideas can’t take hold when people speak up and object. It’s apathy, along with complacency, that enables bad ideas to persist. Bad ideas can be identified by asking a few simple questions. 1. Do only a few benefit? 2. Are people harmed? 3. Is doing nothing better than implementing the idea? If the answers are yes, the idea probably isn’t a good one.
Our country was built on some of the best ideas ever conceived. In order for us to continue to prosper, the flow of good ideas must persist. Good ideas emanate not from groups, but from individuals. History is shaped by the ideas of outstanding individuals, not committees.
Not everything can be improved. When something is working well, it should be left alone. There is a lot of wisdom to the adage, “If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.” So search for and support good ideas. Speak out and oppose bad ones. Ideas are too powerful to be taken lightly.
NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.
Your thoughts affect what you do, how you act, the kind of person you are, how you feel, and what you attract. Your thoughts can either solve problems or create them. Regardless of what your thoughts are, they are within your control.
Even the most positive, proactive person can have negative thoughts. A normally upbeat, happy individual will have off days. Although you chose your thoughts, there are thoughts that seem to pop into your head on their own.
How do you select the most desirable thoughts? What do you do when you have unwanted ones? Start by concentrating on what you want rather than what you don’t want. In every area of your life, there is something you want. Aspects of your personality, material desires, lifestyle goals, and how you want to feel are all impacted by how you think.
For each of your objectives, gear your thoughts to obtaining what you want versus avoiding that which you don’t want. If having more money is a desired outcome, you want to think about earning enough for your needs rather than trying to avoid bankruptcy. Perhaps you want to be more organized. Picture yourself as an organized person instead of thinking you have to stop being unorganized.
Thinking about what you want to accomplish is far more effective than thoughts of what you want to avoid. You already use this approach in many aspects of your life. When going to work each day you think about what you have to get done rather than attempting to just make it through the day without getting fired.
In your car, your purpose is reaching a specific destination rather than thinking about not driving off the road. When you sit down for a meal, you think about enjoying your food rather than not choking. Since your thoughts about daily routines are already outcome based, it’s not that hard to apply the same approach to major goals.
When negative thoughts pop into your head, as will happen, is something amiss? Don’t worry, there’s nothing wrong. Negative thoughts are normal. There is no problem with you. Fighting these unwanted thoughts won’t keep them away. You have to replace them with other, more desirable thoughts.
Suppose you are on your way to a job interview. You really want the job and feel you will be a good fit for the position. While waiting to be called in for the interview, you start worrying about being unable to answer the questions well. You become nervous and try to force the unwanted thoughts out. A better approach is to change your thoughts to something positive. So focus on how well you will come across and how impressive you will sound.
Your thoughts are your own. They may be influenced by other people or events, but the final responsibility for them is yours. If you don’t like what you think about, make changes. Don’t make excuses. Develop a constant awareness of what you are thinking about. This allows you to make adjustments as needed.
NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.
by Bryan Golden
