Everyone enjoys being comfortable. Being safe, secure, and happy is a basic human desire. For the most part, we prefer the known to the unknown, the predictable to the unpredictable, and the risk-free to the risky.
However, bringing goals to reality requires us to leave our comfort zone. This requirement is in direct conflict with our innate desire to remain safe. So, in order to realize your dreams, you must act in a manner contrary to normal preferences.
A major deterrent to leaving your comfort zone is the fear of the unknown combined with the fear of failure. Failure has many negative connotations. Subsequently, most people seek to avoid failure at all costs. In so doing, they also avoid achieving their goals.
Don’t be afraid to leave your comfort zone. It’s a necessity if you are going to get the most out of your life. Rather than fearing failure, welcome the opportunity to expand your horizons. Every successful person has moved outside their comfort zone.
Leaving your comfort zone doesn’t imply reckless behavior. Rather, it is done only after careful thought, preparation, and planning. Nothing in life is guaranteed. Staying in your comfort zone has only an illusion of safety. Leaving feels as if it’s fraught with peril because you enter an area that is completely different to you.
Consider leaving your comfort zone as an exercise that will reward you with new knowledge and experiences. Have fun with the process. Even if something doesn’t work out as planned, you will be OK.
Your initial forays outside the comfort zone can begin with innocuous activities that enable you to get comfortable with change. Take a different route to or from work. Go out to eat at a restaurant you haven’t been to before. Pick a completely different destination for your vacation. Strike up a conversation with a stranger.
Although these activities may seem insignificant, they get you used to doing things you haven’t done before. This is great practice for venturing further outside of your comfort zone. As with other things in life, this takes practice. With each small success, your confidence level will grow.
The bottom line is that in order to realize your dreams, you have to leave your comfort zone. Even though you may be scared, you have to do it. At first you will feel uneasy, but continue anyway. The rewards are well worth the effort.
NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.
When someone is successful, they are more visible than when they were struggling along their path to attain their goals. Few people draw much attention while they are confronting challenges and overcoming numerous obstacles.
However, very few of us relish the time and effort required to bring our dreams to reality. Our fantasy is to be instantly successful, living happily ever after, forever. Therefore, the possibility of any type of shortcut has a certain innate appeal.
The reality is that shortcuts typically don’t produce the desired results. In fact, shortcuts invariably extend the journey towards success and may even derail it. Rewards come to those who are willing to expend the required energy.
On your journey to success, there are certain steps you must go through. Any shortcut will attract what you don’t want. Before becoming reality, a goal requires a specific mix of components.
You must have enough desire. The higher the goal, the stronger the desire required. There is a big difference in results between someone who says, “I’d like to do that, it would be nice if it happens,” and another person who exclaims, “I want that more than anything else, I’ll do whatever it takes to make it happen.”
Effort is also essential. Anything worthwhile takes effort. Being successful takes a lot of effort. Working hard while working smart is essential. Not only is the easy road not a route to success, the so-called easy road isn’t that easy or rewarding.
Success also takes time. Exactly how much time is needed is never known. Subsequently, many people give up when they are right around the corner from succeeding. Since you don’t know how long your path is, you never know how close you are to your destination, and therefore you should never give up, believing you have failed.
Shortcuts are appealing because they offer the illusion of success without effort. Again, there is no such thing. Shortcuts are in reality, pitfalls. Common shortcuts are cheating, stealing, deception, profiting while causing harm, unethical behavior, taking advantage of others, and illegal activities.
Don’t look for shortcuts and don’t take them if offered. Shortcuts have never worked for others, and they won’t work for you. You will achieve your dreams if you are willing to take the journey. Once you reach your goal, you will be glad you avoided shortcuts.
NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.
No one is perfect. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Those who are most successful, build on their strengths while striving to overcome their weaknesses. It’s not unusual for a trait that initially appears to be a weakness to actually be a strength. I came across the following parable which nicely shows this point.
Many years ago, a farmer had to get his household water from a nearby stream. To get as much water as possible from each trip, he used two large clay pots, each fastened securely to opposite ends of a stout pole.
After he fetched his first load of water, the farmer discovered that the pot on the left side had a small crack, causing it to lose about a third of its water on the trip from the stream back to the house. But the farmer didn’t have another pot to replace the imperfect one. Besides, in spite of the leak, he had enough water from each trip for his daily needs.
The farmer retrieved water in this manner for several years. One day, a neighbor observed the farmer carrying his daily load of water with one of the pots leaking. The neighbor asked the farmer if he knew about the defective pot.
The farmer’s reply surprised the neighbor. “I discovered the leak the first time I filled the pots. I was very disappointed. It had taken me a lot of time to attach the pots to the pole. I didn’t have a replacement pot nor did I have time to replace the imperfect one if I did have another.”
“After several weeks of carrying water, I noticed flowers springing up on the left side of the path I walked each morning. The water from the leaking pot was enabling flowers to grow in the normally hard, dry dirt.”
“Since I really enjoyed looking at the flowers each morning and I had enough water at the end of every trip, I realized the imperfect pot was more valuable to me with its defect than if it had no leak. You see, what I and most people would consider an imperfection was actually an asset.”
Both pots had their own unique strengths. The perfect pot carried a full load of water flawlessly. The cracked pot, while it lost some water, enabled beautiful flowers to grow. Each pot served a different function and was just as important as the other.
This story touches on several issues. Whether a character trait is a strength or weakness is dependent on circumstances as well as what one is trying to achieve. For example, consider the following two people. Irene is a person who is easily bored, enjoys change, likes to work independently, makes decisions quickly, and is a risk taker.
Carol, on the other hand, prefers a predictable routine, likes stability, enjoys working and making decisions with others, and is very cautious when making decisions. Who is a better worker, Irene or Carol? Which of them has more imperfections?
The answer is, it depends. For starting a new business, or striking out on a new venture, Irene’s personality is better suited. Carol is more suitable for managing an established, stable organization.
Don’t be too quick to label a trait of yours or a characteristic of someone else an imperfection. Anything can be interpreted to be a defect when looked at narrowly and out of context.
Our world is diverse. It can only function with the contributions of people with different strengths and abilities. Rather than worry about your imperfections, why not capitalize on your strengths?
NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.
The proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back is an illustration of what can happen when you feel overwhelmed. Each straw by itself is irrelevant. Yet the cumulative weight of enough straw can be unbearable.
Life’s events can have the same cumulative impact as the straw. Most situations, by themselves, are manageable. But when you are faced with one problem after another, before you have a chance to resolve each one, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed.
Situations can also pile up gradually because of your inattention or failure to deal with them as they occur. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, you become overwhelmed. In this scenario, you don’t realize what’s happening until everything becomes a crisis.
So, you can become overwhelmed because of circumstances beyond your control that occur quickly or simultaneously. Or you can become overwhelmed because you neglect to handle situations as they arise. Each scenario requires a slightly different strategy.
When events occur non-stop and without letup, often the first reaction is to panic and freeze. Not knowing what to do first, you try to juggle everything at once while feeling as if you are about to lose your balance at any moment.
The key to dealing with this situation is to prioritize. Since you can only address one issue at a time, you have to decide which circumstances require immediate attention. Sometimes, it seems as if everything is critical. But you, nevertheless, have to pick a starting point for your attention.
Unfortunately, the most critical situation is usually the most difficult to deal with. So, human nature being what it is, people will tend to address one of the least important issues because it’s easier. However when you neglect the most critical situation, it will quickly worsen. With enough neglect, a situation will get to a point where it is out of control and the window of opportunity to take corrective action has passed.
For example, the roof on Debra’s house has started to leak. Additionally, her car needs an oil change, the kitchen has to be painted, she needs new clothes for a party in three weeks, her son is doing poorly in school, she has a painful tooth ache, and the company she works for is being sold in six months.
Debra feels overwhelmed. So she goes shopping for her new clothes. Rather than prioritizing and going to the dentist first, Debra takes a painkiller and then picks the task of lowest importance. After she gets her clothes, Debra will feel just as overwhelmed as before since all of the pressing issues are still there.
As an outside observer, it is easy to see what Debra should do first. She should tend to her tooth before she risks losing it. If Debra neglects her roof, more serious damage will occur. Then she has to get her son back on track before he falls too far behind. Once these immediate issues are dealt with, Debra will have a little more breathing room and feel less overwhelmed.
But when you are the one feeling overwhelmed, your perspective becomes cloudy. You become stressed out and don’t want to deal with anything. Avoidance, however, will allow things to get worse.
When overwhelmed, you have to address the most critical situation first. Then focus your energy on one task at a time. Once you have done everything you can for the most important problem, move on to the next pressing situation. Resist the temptation to begin with the least significant challenge.
When you take this approach, you will start to feel better because you are taking action on the most pressing problems. The more proactive you are, the faster you will overcome the obstacles in front of you.
NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.
Are you a dream maker or a dream breaker? The category to which you belong will strongly influence the direction your life takes, your level of satisfaction, and the type of impact you have on other people. Most of us aren’t even aware of the distinctions between dream makers and dream breakers.
Dream makers believe anything is possible. To them, the future is full of hope, promise, and potential. They know problems have solutions and obstacles can be overcome. Not only do dream makers believe in themselves, they believe in others as well.
Dream makers are optimistic. They are grateful for all of the blessings in their lives. Every day is a good day. Each morning is a new beginning with unlimited possibilities. Dream makers learn from their past, they don’t allow it to pollute their future.
Dream makers are not discouraged by naysayers. They don’t pay attention to negative criticism. Dream makers understand that everyone will have an opinion about their goals. They look to other successful people for inspiration and encouragement.
Dream makers understand that if they don’t know how to do something, they can learn or consult with a person who has the expertise they need. Dream makers value their library as a resource that has answers for most of the questions they may have.
The optimism of dream makers is contagious. Dream makers encourage others to reach their goals. They help others to find solutions. Dream makers never put others down or ridicule their aspirations.
Dream breakers are the opposite of dream makers. They always find reasons to justify why something is impossible. Dream breakers find insurmountable problems in every situation. They don’t believe in themselves.
Dream breakers are pessimistic. Everything they try fails. They are discouraged by all the problems in their lives. Each day is another struggle filled with obstacles. Dream breakers wish they could go back and change their past. They lament all of their past mistakes.
Dream breakers are swayed by negative opinions. They listen to those who say they will fail. Other successful people are no inspiration because they always had some advantage such as money, education, or who they knew.
Dream breakers know all of the limitations that prevent them from succeeding. They don’t have enough education or they have the wrong education. They are either too young or too old. They don’t have enough experience. There is no opportunity because they live in the wrong area. Dream breakers understand that there are many valid reasons for their failure.
Dream breakers are jealous of those who do succeed. They always try to discourage others. Dream breakers are quick to point out the many reasons why someone else will fail. They understand that people with dreams are being unrealistic. Dream breakers are purveyors of doom and gloom. They are not a lot of fun to be around.
Why choose to be a dream maker? Dream makers are happier than dream breakers. Their lives are more satisfying. Dream makers have attractive personalities and are pleasant to be around. They reach more goals than dream breakers. Dream makers believe anything is possible. Dream breakers feel nothing ever goes their way.
Anyone who is a dream breaker can change into a dream maker. The only difference between the two types of people is their attitude. You have the power to choose your thoughts. Whether you are a dream maker or dream breaker is up to you. Since there are no negative side effects to being a dream maker, why not live like one.
Everyone enjoys being comfortable. Being safe, secure, and happy is a basic human desire. For the most part, we prefer the known to the unknown, the predictable to the unpredictable, and the risk-free to the risky.
