How badly do you want to see your aspirations turn into reality? Do you have a burning desire or just casual thoughts of “that would be nice if it happens”? Whether you reach your goals or not depends on the intensity of your desire.
If you really want something, you have to go out and make it happen. Taking a passive approach by waiting for your ship to come in doesn’t work. Transforming dreams into reality requires a burning desire. Then you have to be willing to expend the necessary effort.
Desire is the fuel that powers your engine of accomplishment. Without fuel, the most powerful racing engine won’t even start. Without enough fuel, an engine won’t take you to your destination. If you attempt to increase the quantity of fuel by watering it down, your engine will stop running. Both the quality and quantity of your fuel are important.
Just as you have to continuously refuel your car to maintain your ability to travel, your desire must be continuously fanned to keep it burning. Negativity will sap your desire. Negativity can come from within you or from others. What matters is not the source, but rather whether or not you pay attention to it.
If you believe something is impossible, you will not attempt it. Your desire will rapidly fade as you dismiss your dreams as unattainable. However, if you sincerely believe there is a way, you will find it. You will need persistence, patience, perseverance, and determination. Desire gives you the strength to overcome obstacles.
Discouragement has the potential to extinguish your desire. When results don’t materialize soon enough, or the results are not as substantial as hoped for, it’s normal for you to feel frustrated. If your desire abates, you may even consider giving up. Only when you stop trying do you fail.
When you feel discouraged, fan your desire by visualizing success. Imagine yourself as having reached your destination. Think about how you will feel when you are successful. Keep yourself moving forward. Don’t sit and worry. Maintain your momentum by taking one step at a time.
Ridicule can smother your desire. The derision of others caused far too many people to abandon their plans. The need for acceptance is an extremely strong emotion. You need a strong belief in your quest.
NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.
No one wants problems. Escaping from problems can be much more appealing than resolving them. Running away is certainly tempting, especially when facing persistent, repetitive problems.
Not only is it impossible to outrun your problems, attempting to do so exacerbates your frustration. When you try to escape, problems follow you. This is because the problems you experience repeatedly are due to what’s inside you rather than where you are. When you constantly face the same problem situations, you must look in the mirror to find the cause.
This doesn’t mean all problems are necessarily your fault. But there may be some aspect of your personality causing or attracting the problems. So, an effective way for resolving problems is to alter your behavior to produce better results.
Jane is currently working at her fourth job in ten years. Whenever Jane begins a new job, everything is great for the first year or so. Then things always go down hill for her. Jane’s coworkers start avoiding her. Her supervisor becomes more judgmental, criticizing Jane’s work habits.
Jane invariably changes jobs after growing dissatisfied with her work environment. She erroneously believes there is something wrong with the people she works with. In each new job, the pattern repeats itself. Needless to say, Jane is very frustrated, convinced it’s next to impossible to find a decent work environment.
Of course it is possible to land in a bad job. If that’s the case, changing jobs should remedy the situation. In Jane’s example, the same scenario reoccurs. Perhaps, Jane takes her problems with her to each new job. Jane needs to assess her interpersonal communication skills, and her job performance before once again jumping ship.
Over the last 20 years, Steven and his family moved five times. Sometimes they stayed in the same area, other times they moved to a new town or state. Wherever Steven went, he had the same problems. The neighbors were annoying, their house always had problems, there was too much traffic, and people were rude.
Was it possible for Steven to have such bad luck? Or was there some component of Steven’s nature that always found fault with whatever situation he was in? Since Steven found himself in the same scenario for two decades, chances are he takes his problems with him. Unless Steven identifies and corrects the elements of his personality responsible for his dissatisfaction, it won’t matter where or how often he moves.
Ed has trouble staying in a relationship. When he meets someone new, things are great in the beginning. Then the problems develop. Ed gets impatient with his partner. He is very independent and doesn’t want to adjust his lifestyle to accommodate another person. Ed has little desire to consider the needs of the person he is with.
When each relationship invariably ends, Ed is relieved and starts looking for someone else with whom he will be truly compatible. The problem is Ed’s attitude is incompatible with being in a successful relationship. Ed doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him. Therefore, he is destined to experience the same problems in every relationship. Should he happen to meet someone who feels the same way he does, the relationship will end even faster since neither one of them will be willing to be considerate of the other.
Don’t try to outrun your problems. Objectively analyze why your problems occur. Often it can be helpful to seek input from an objective party who can give you constructive feedback. You can change your behavior and attitude to prevent the same problems from repeating themselves.
NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.
The way you treat others offers a window into the type of person you are. Your interaction with people, whose job is to serve you, reflects on your character and offers a glimpse into the way they will react to you.
When you behave in a condescending manner, you are sure to elicit a negative reaction. Immediately, the person you are talking down to will be put off, even if they don’t show it. You will squelch any inclination for the other person to go out of their way to help you. At most, they will do no more than the bare minimum necessary to keep you mollified.
Corporate CEOs like to observe how job candidates treat waiters. These corporate captains found that how a prospective employee treats a waiter offers a clear picture of the type of person he or she is. Someone who is polite to you but discourteous to a waiter does not have desirable interpersonal skills. They tend to be abrasive, causing friction among coworkers and subordinates.
Your treatment of waiters isn’t just significant in business settings. A survey by a dating service discovered that being rude to waiters tops the list as the worst dining etiquette. It is a real turnoff to be in the company of someone who is mean spirited.
Anyone can treat a waiter well when there are no mishaps or mess-ups. The real indication of a person’s true nature is how they react when there are problems. What do they do when a waiter makes a mistake or their meal is not what they hoped for? Do they get indignant, make a scene, and jump down the waiter’s throat? Or are they gracious and magnanimous?
No one likes to be berated when they make a mistake. Some waiters are better than others. Some are more conscientious. You can’t manage their behavior, but you do control yours. If you can’t handle a problem when you are eating out, how can you be depended on to handle life’s real predicaments?
People, who are rude to waiters, erroneously believe they are displaying power and authority. They mistakenly think their behavior will impress others. Anyone who attempts to elevate their status by stepping on others will ultimately fall flat on their face.
People with integrity and character treat everyone with courtesy and respect, regardless of their occupation, financial, or social status. They don’t view themselves as being above or below anyone else.
The way you treat people determines to a large part how they treat you. Not everyone will respond to kindness and consideration. But everyone will react negatively to berating. Your best bet for bringing out the best in people is to treat them with respect.
If you expect the worst from people, your attitude will project this and your low expectations will usually be met. If you anticipate the best, people tend to try to live up to those expectations so as not to disappoint you.
People crave approval and recognition. If you start out rejecting someone, they will feel there is no chance to please you and won’t even try. However when you say please, thank you, and can you help me, others will make an extra effort to accommodate you.
Treat waiters, and everyone you encounter, with dignity. In so doing, your relationships with people, even strangers, will improve. You will still find some individuals you just can’t deal with. But they will be much more of an exception. You can never go wrong by treating another person well.
NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper. 2006 Bryan Golden
You have dreams, goals, and aspirations. Enthusiastically, you share your plans with your significant other, family, or friends. Instead of sharing in your joy, they give you a lecture on why you won’t succeed. They list all of the things that can and will go wrong.
They know someone who already tried and failed at the exact thing you are now contemplating. They provide you with a large dose of discouragement. After speaking with them, you question the feasibility of your plans. After all, everyone advised you to stop dreaming and be realistic.
Yet despite all of the negative advice, you have a desire that keeps gnawing at you. It may subside for a time, but it keeps resurfacing. You start to believe everyone else is right and you are wrong. You wonder if you are viewing your plans with a biased outlook. The people you speak with are surely more objective.
In spite of all the dissuasion, you see examples of people who are living their dreams. How do they pull it off while you don’t feel as if you have a chance?
This is what you need to fulfill your dreams: a burning desire along with the willingness to do what it takes. It doesn’t matter how much money you have. Your educational level is irrelevant. Who you know is immaterial.
Don’t listen to people who don’t encourage you. Constructive criticism is one thing. It is designed to help you find a successful path to your destination. A negative onslaught serves no purpose other than to dishearten you. People offering negative advice may not be aware of the damage it will cause you. They are just acting in a manner they were taught, which is negative.
The staunchest naysayers are invariable those who have not realized their goals. They are experts in uncovering justifications for failure. Their opinions may even be unsolicited. Subconsciously, they are jealous of any possibility you will succeed. They would rather keep you at their level rather than giving you a mental boost.
There are people who you should listen to. They are the ones who accomplished what you want to do. They are the ones who can show you, by example, all that is possible. They overcome obstacles and learn from their mistakes. Your learning from their experience is much less costly and more efficient than reinventing the wheel.
That said, there is always room for innovation. Just because something was done doesn’t mean there is no opportunity. It’s always possible to improve on what already exists. That is why new products and services hit the market on a daily basis.
You don’t have to personally know people who succeeded. You can read books they write or books that are written about them. Although most of the stories in newspapers and magazines are negative, there are always articles about people’s accomplishments.
The internet is a great resource for locating biographical information about successful people. The more you fill your mind with examples of how others succeeded, and how they did it, the more enthusiastic you will become.
So when someone tells you something is impossible, go find someone else who succeeded. For every critic, there is a trailblazer who is breaking new ground, accomplishing what was thought to be impossible.
And when you achieve what others said you couldn’t do, you will be told you were lucky or just in the right place at the right time. But you will know it was your tenacity that made the difference.
NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper. 2006 Bryan Golden
Focus is the deliberate concentration of all of your energy in order to attain a specific goal. A laser beam is a perfect example of the power of focus. By directing light rays in one unified direction, laser beams can cut through steel.
A light bulb is the opposite of a laser. From the bulb, light disperses in all directions. You can leave a light bulb on until it burns out, but it won’t cut like a laser. Without the focus of a laser, the light bulb’s energy is too dispersed to be used as a cutting tool.
To accomplish any task, you need focus. You must devote yourself to directing all of your efforts toward one end. The maxim, “Jack of all trades, master of none,” perfectly expresses the result of a lack of focus.
Without focus, you go in different directions, winding up nowhere in particular. Additionally, without focus, you are prone to quitting at the first sign of difficulty. With numerous irons in the fire, it’s easy to abandon one or more when the going gets tough.
Irene was a college freshman who didn’t know what she wanted to major in. So Irene never selected a specific major. She spent years taking classes in many disciplines. Irene took courses in history, literature, art, science, philosophy, math, and humanities.
After four years, Irene discovered she hadn’t satisfied the requirements for any degree. Although she had taken as many classes as other students, Irene didn’t have enough course work in any specific discipline to enable her to graduate.
Although Irene earned good grades, she knew a little about a lot of different subjects but never gained enough knowledge about any one topic to receive a degree. Irene’s four years of college didn’t result in a diploma. Irene would have been better served had she focused on earning a degree in her favorite subject. Then she could have continued taking courses in whatever interested her.
Five years after Robert started renovating his dream house, he’s still working on it. Robert never completes one project before starting another. All of the rooms are in various states of remodeling. No part of Robert’s house is complete and ready to be lived in.
There is no end in sight for Robert’s project. As he’s working on one room of the house, he changes his mind about what he wants to do in another room and shifts gears. Robert is constantly jumping from one job to another. He has no focus.
Robert would be more productive by finishing one room before starting another. This strategy would have allowed Robert to finish years ago. Although Robert is constantly busy, his efforts are so scattered that no one thing is ever accomplished.
To achieve a goal, accomplish a task, or complete a project, you need to focus your efforts. This approach will make you much more effective and bring you results much faster than scattering your energy.
Fear of failure leads some people to put a lot of irons in the fire. They mistakenly believe this technique spreads their risk, increasing the chances that at least one endeavor will succeed. In reality, the chances of any one venture succeeding are significantly reduced.
Setbacks can cause people to lose focus before they have successfully reached their goal. Rather than picking themselves up and continuing down their chosen path, they start working on something else instead.
Develop a burning desire and then focus your energy at accomplishing your goal. Regardless of what happens, stay on track. Keep moving forward until you arrive at your chosen destination. The more focus you have, the more effective your efforts will be.
NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper. 2006 Bryan Golden
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