How jealous a person are you? Is jealousy a problem in your

relationship? How often has jealousy been a problem in your

previous relationships? Take this quiz to see how affected you are by jealous

feelings.

 

On a scale from 1 (no jealousy/no) to 7 (extreme jealousy/yes), figure

out which number best fits how you would likely feel:

 

•Your mate spends a great deal of

time at a party talking with someone

else.

 

•Your mate spends a great deal

of time during a party dancing with

someone else.

 

•During a party, your mate is flirtatious and spends a great deal of time

behaving provocatively with someone

else.

 

•You are at a party and your mate

disappears for a long period of time.

 

•Your phone rings and the caller

hangs up or says “wrong number.”

 

•Your mate expresses admiration of

a movie or a television star.

 

•Your mate expresses appreciation

of an attractive stranger passing by.

 

•Your mate socializes with single

available people.

 

•Your mate has a close friend of

your sex.

 

•Your mate has a close friend of

your sex who is single and available.

 

•An ex-flame attempts to reestablish contact with your partner.

 

•How jealous were you during

childhood/adolescence?

 

•Do people with whom you have

been intimate consider you jealous?

 

•Is your jealousy a problem in your

current relationship?

 

•How jealous are you?

 

•How much jealousy would you

experience if your partner had a love

affair many years ago before being

partnered with you?

 

•If your partner had a love affair

many years ago while with you?

 

•If your partner recently had a

casual one-night stand?

 

•If your partner had affairs, but

assured you it was caused by a need for

variety that in no way would affect your

relationship?

 

•If your partner had a serious affair?

 

•If your partner announced that s/he

had fallen in love with someone else?

 

•Do you consider your jealousy to

be a problem?

 

•Do you like being jealous?

 

•Do you like your partner to be

jealous?

 

Total your score. In my experience, any score over 87 is likely to cause you

some problems, and any score over 116 is likely to cause you major problems.

These questions came from Ayala Pines in the book Romantic Jealousy

(Routledge Publishing). If you are or have been plagued by jealousy issues,

she recommends that you examine three questions:

 

•Exactly what is it that makes you

jealous? That she’s going out without

you? That he seems to enjoy her more

than you?

 

•What is at the heart of your jealousy? Envy of your rival? Fear of loss?

Fear of abandonment? Humiliation?

A threat to the relationship? A threat to

your ego? That it confirms you’re not

good enough?

 

•Is this component of jealousy

related to an old experience you might

have had in your childhood? How?

Could the current threat be related to

what you found most rewarding about

your mate’s love at the beginning of the

relationship?

 

I will discuss what good can come out of jealousy in next week’s column.

 

Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in

the Denver and Boulder, CO areas, specializing in how people strengthen

their intimate relationships. He can be reached at 303.758.8777