How jealous a person are you? Is jealousy a problem in your
relationship? How often has jealousy been a problem in your
previous relationships? Take this quiz to see how affected you are by jealous
feelings.
On a scale from 1 (no jealousy/no) to 7 (extreme jealousy/yes), figure
out which number best fits how you would likely feel:
•Your mate spends a great deal of
time at a party talking with someone
else.
•Your mate spends a great deal
of time during a party dancing with
someone else.
•During a party, your mate is flirtatious and spends a great deal of time
behaving provocatively with someone
else.
•You are at a party and your mate
disappears for a long period of time.
•Your phone rings and the caller
hangs up or says “wrong number.”
•Your mate expresses admiration of
a movie or a television star.
•Your mate expresses appreciation
of an attractive stranger passing by.
•Your mate socializes with single
available people.
•Your mate has a close friend of
your sex.
•Your mate has a close friend of
your sex who is single and available.
•An ex-flame attempts to reestablish contact with your partner.
•How jealous were you during
childhood/adolescence?
•Do people with whom you have
been intimate consider you jealous?
•Is your jealousy a problem in your
current relationship?
•How jealous are you?
•How much jealousy would you
experience if your partner had a love
affair many years ago before being
partnered with you?
•If your partner had a love affair
many years ago while with you?
•If your partner recently had a
casual one-night stand?
•If your partner had affairs, but
assured you it was caused by a need for
variety that in no way would affect your
relationship?
•If your partner had a serious affair?
•If your partner announced that s/he
had fallen in love with someone else?
•Do you consider your jealousy to
be a problem?
•Do you like being jealous?
•Do you like your partner to be
jealous?
Total your score. In my experience, any score over 87 is likely to cause you
some problems, and any score over 116 is likely to cause you major problems.
These questions came from Ayala Pines in the book Romantic Jealousy
(Routledge Publishing). If you are or have been plagued by jealousy issues,
she recommends that you examine three questions:
•Exactly what is it that makes you
jealous? That she’s going out without
you? That he seems to enjoy her more
than you?
•What is at the heart of your jealousy? Envy of your rival? Fear of loss?
Fear of abandonment? Humiliation?
A threat to the relationship? A threat to
your ego? That it confirms you’re not
good enough?
•Is this component of jealousy
related to an old experience you might
have had in your childhood? How?
Could the current threat be related to
what you found most rewarding about
your mate’s love at the beginning of the
relationship?
I will discuss what good can come out of jealousy in next week’s column.
Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in
the Denver and Boulder, CO areas, specializing in how people strengthen
their intimate relationships. He can be reached at 303.758.8777
Posted on January 30th, 2012 | category: Featured Articles












