by Neil Rosenthal

Dear Neil:  What chemical changes occur when we enter a new relationship and then fall in love? I remember reading an article saying that the changes that occur in the brain when we begin a new relationship are like a continuous feeling of euphoria.

- Curious in Wellington, NZ

Dear Wellington: There is no experience more magical than being smitten and falling in love. The world revolves around the desire for love, and much of the artistry, music and poetry throughout history were inspired by it. Wars fought over it, lives lost because of it and fortunes spent in order to prolong it.

The infatuation stage of a relationship pumps large amounts of the “love cocktail” into our bodies—chemicals such as phenylethylamine (PEA), dopamine and norepinephrine—which are natural amphetamine-like chemicals that our bodies produce. These chemicals make us feel extremely positive, wildly optimistic, unusually hopeful, amazingly euphoric, zapped with energy and full of lust. We don’t need normal levels of sleep, food or perhaps even air when we are smitten, because we feel so completely high on life.

It’s similar to being under the influence. In fact, scientists now believe that the love cocktail is so powerful that it literally transforms us into an actual altered state of consciousness. Which is why, if you say to someone who is smitten: “But he has no job, hasn’t been able to keep a job, is antisocial, doesn’t say anything and has utterly no interests,” your friend is likely to respond: “He’s so affectionate, romantic and hot. It’ll work out just fine.”

PEA, dopamine and norepinephrine pack such a powerful chemical wallop that people who get under their combined influence will undergo significant personality changes. Inhibited and withdrawn people become social and outgoing, people who are normally couch potatoes go out dancing every night and cheapskates become lavish spenders and generous tippers.

PEA stimulates libido, making us more interested in sex. Norepinephrine gives us that “swept away” sensation that feels like a shot of sexual speed. Dopamine makes us more sexually receptive and increases our enjoyment of sex. The three are nature’s one-two-three knockout punch. But a word of caution. This wildly euphoric and giddy feeling can also cause us to do things that we may come to regret, such as quickly getting married and deciding to have a family, or quitting our job and selling our house so we can sail around the world with our new-found soul mate and best friend.

Do not mistake this feeling for true love. Infatuation is just the first stage of love. What comes after infatuation is the “falling in love” stage. And what frequently comes after that is a period of adjustment, disappointment or disillusionment, because who you develop great chemistry with does not mean that s/he will be a good long-term life partner for us, or even a healthy person for us to be around at all. Infatuation is not the same as true love. To keep true love going is going to take patience, communication, accommodation, negotiation, similar goals, compatible temperaments, trust, the benefit of doubt and maturity.

Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in the Denver and Boulder, CO, specializing in how people strengthen their intimate relationships. He can be reached at 303.758.8777, or e-mail him from his website www.heartrelationships.com.

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“Jason Powers, volunteer fire fighter for the Gales Ferry Fire Company, is fulfilling his dream. “Fire fighting is not a job to us, it is our passion. We are a close knit community and we take care of each other.”

story & photo
by Maren Schober

As long as he can remember, Jason Powers, 26, of Gales Ferry yearned to be a firefighter.   It was his dream.  It was his passion. It still is. “ I had my first set of bunker gear, firefighting clothing, at four years old.  I used to set up my bunker gear next to my bed when I was little,” Jason explains.

“I am a fourth generation firefighter.  My father, George Powers, started in the fire service in the 70’s in Sterling.  My grandfather, Ray Williams, and my great-grandfather, Louis Leo Tuck, plus my uncle, Jeff Jones, and uncle, Doug Williams, were all involved with the fire service.  I remember many, many visits with my uncles at the their firehouse in Arizona as I was growing up. Dressed in my bunking gear, I would climb all over the fire truck, reaching up to push the air horn button and then sound the siren. I drove them crazy!”

“The first time my uncle took me along with him on a fire call, I think I was only six years old.  I was visiting him at the firehouse.  The alarm came in for a structure fire, and my uncle told me to hop on the engine.  I was pretty much sold on firefighting after that.”

Even at age 6 Jason Powers knew he wanted to be a firefighter: (l-r) cousin, Bobby Lee Williams, uncle, Doug Williams, and Jason

Jason was born in Mesa, Arizona and currently he is active duty Navy. “I am a volunteer fireman and I want to become a career firefighter upon completion of my Naval service in January of 2012.”

“I started EMS at Bangor Submarine Base in 2004 in Washington State and began working part time with Poulsbo Fire Department in 2005 in Poulsbo, Washington.  When I moved to Connecticut in 2007 I started with Gales Ferry where I made Lieutenant in 2008.”

“On duty nights at the fire station, we are responsible for checking the rigs at the start of every duty night, cleaning the firehouse, and whatever training the shift officer has assigned.”

What was Jason’s most memorable recent fire?

“I worked a fire in Ledyard and the stairwell to the attic was so small you couldn’t turn around to come down so I had to go down the stairs backwards. While I was going down the stairs my air pack got caught on a clothesline the owner had strung up.”

“I am learning that no one is invincible and you never know what can happen, so never leave anyone on bad terms.  Firefighting is not a job to us, it is our passion.

“We firefighters have a dry sense of humor.  We are constantly joking with each other.  I think that is the way we cope with some of the things we see as firefighters.  Brotherhood comes along with the service.  Our service is a very close knit community, and we take care of each other.”

Jason Powers is the recipient of many awards for his fire service.  “I am proud to work with outstanding firefighters in New London County. They are an elite group of men and women.”

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