by Bryan Golden

We all have memories, thoughts, experiences, beliefs, and habits that, although limiting to our progress, are hard to let go of.  We may not even be aware of their existence or just how constraining they are.

In order to accomplish all that you want, you must learn to let go of those elements which inhibit you.  When you hold onto something over an extended period of time, the tendency is to give it credibility just because of its longevity.

Jan was thin and awkward looking when she was in elementary school and through most of high school.  She was very self-conscious and shy.  Jan watched as other more attractive girls were more popular and had many friends.

In college, Jan got involved in sports.  Her body filled out while her coordination greatly improved.  Today, Jan is in her early 30’s.  She is attractive and confident looking.  Yet the memories of her school days still affect her.  Jan is very shy, fearing people won’t be attracted to her as in the past.

Jan’s memories of the past have become her current reality.  She sees herself as she used to be, not as she is.  Jan won’t let go of her school recollections.  As a result, Jan finds it hard to meet people because she avoids situations where she may be rejected.

Kathy has worked for the same company, in the same position, for the past ten years.  She is a great employee with lots of potential.  Her boss is afraid of being upstaged by Kathy.  Each year, at her annual review, he gives Kathy only a mediocre report.  As a result, Kathy has never received a promotion.

Kathy considers the experience with her boss an indication of her lack of promotability.   Kathy now feels she will never get a promotion because she isn’t good enough.  Kathy has to let go of the experience with her boss and either move to another department with her current employer or find another job where she will be more appreciated.

Ed’s parents repeatedly told him he wouldn’t amount to much.  They told Ed the world was a tough place which was very unforgiving.  His parents made Ed feel as if he didn’t have much chance of success.  Now, an adult, Ed realizes his parents were wrong in their assessment of him.  Nevertheless, he blames his parents for his failure to reach his goals.  Ed believes his parents’ influence has prevented him from attaining his dreams.

So long as Ed continues to believe he has been limited by what his parents told him, he will be.  Until Ed lets go of his parents’ influence, he will continue to subconsciously sabotage his future, thus meeting his parents low expectations.

Examine your life to determine what limitations you have been hanging on to.  Everyone has something, so there’s nothing to be ashamed of.  Start with one of the issues you discover and practice letting go.  You can do this by replacing the thoughts or behavior with ones that are more positive.

Learning to let go becomes easier with practice.  You are never too old and it’s never too late for you to get started.

NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book.  Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.

© Bryan Golden

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by Critics On The Aisle™: Elizabeth Lafontaine with Don Church & Tony Schillaci

Lauren Worsham and ensemble. photo By Diane Sobolewski

A far cry from the kitschy big tops of America’s hey day, the Grand Imperial Cirque de Paris dazzles the audience in the Goodspeed Opera House’s current production of Carnival! A revival of the popular 1961 musical, the show effortlessly blends a classic story of survival and love with the grit of the Moulin Rouge era.

The attention to detail that is paid by the theatre did not go unnoticed: the ushers in costume and the stage are realistic, yet whimsically decorated to represent the Parisian circus.  Once the show began, the audience traveled right along with the circus cars, able to catch a glimpse into the precious but also tough lives behind the main stage.

The original book by three-time Tony-winner Michael Stewart, based on material by Helen Deutsch, is renewed by Francine Pascal in a classic sense, yet it still feels relevant and refreshing as it is performed.

The cast of the show is young and vibrant; delivering a performance that was thrilling, compassionate, and shocking all in a few short hours.  And who can neglect to cheer for Lauren Worsham as Lili? She carried the bulk of the show – her vivacious voice and naiveté made her instantly likeable and sincere.  It was very easy to feel a connection to her journey, as the actress seamlessly became the character.  Her performance was ravishing, one of the highlights of the entire show.

Another showstopper was Mike McGowan as Marco the Magnificent.  Marco’s greasy and egotistical demeanor came to life in his portrayal.  He was the smarmy man you love to hate, but he was still mesmerizing to all of the audience, not just the “little mouse” – his pet name for Lili.  McGowan had a strong command of character, as gazes were glued to his every swift movement on stage as the double-dealing snake of a magician.

Lauren Worsham, as LiLi, with the puppets. photo by Diane Sobolewski

Another standout was Adam Monley not as Paul, but as Carrot Top, Horrible Henry, Rocco, and Margarite.  Although the role of the puppet quartet in the piece could have been trite, his delivery was endearing and a true high point of enjoyment.  Who didn’t want to run up on stage and embrace Henry? And his voice behind the vixen Margarite was outrageous and hilarious.

The interaction of the puppets with Lili was sincere, creating a fantastical storyline within the realm of the entire show with endearing puppet design and deft staging by Robert Smythe.

The ensemble was extremely talented in vocals, choreography, and acrobatics.  The cast’s exhilarating numbers would pleasantly surprise whoever would have thought that one couldn’t leap and kick in unison on such a tiny stage.

Choreographer Peggy Hickey and Aerial Choreographer Joshua Dean have created whirling dazzling ensemble numbers, complete with Dean’s expertise on the trapeze.

John Lasiter’s lighting, David P. Gordon’s set, Fabio Toblini’s costumes and Jay Hilton’s sound added to the seedy illusion of the down-and-out carnival.  The scenes would transition from spectacular to dark and gloomy in seconds in tandem with the action of the show.  Highlights in all three of these fields can be seen during the “Cirque de Paris Ballet” and “Beautiful Candy” numbers, as both are whimsical but not overdone.

Some of the comedic performances felt forced, especially during the “Humming (Tra La)” number, but for the most part the show had great fluidity and ease of performance and effect. The direction by Darko Tresnjak of some of the main cast members at times showed a lack of an emotional connection to each other and their roles.

The second act of the show succeeded far better than the first, but overall the whole show was an escape to a carnival of entertainment. The show is a perfect blend of emotional highs and lows, and is a must see for lovers of classic musicals.  Love really does make this rendition of Carnival! go ‘round, enchanting the audience with its wit, passion, and romance.

“Carnival!” is playing through September 18. For tickets call 860-873-8668 or www.goodspeed.org.

Copyright © 2010. Critics On The Aisle™.  All rights reserved.

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Kathleen Turner and Evan Jonigkeit in HIGH. photo by Lanny Nagler

by Don Church and Tony Schillaci, Critics On The Aisle™

Intense, riveting, raw, graphic, honest, are words that can only suggest the impact of Michael Lombardo’s new powerful drama, “HIGH,” playing at Theaterworks until August 22 in downtown Hartford.

Although the lure of having a movie star in this world-premiere production is creating sold-out performances, another reality is that this play, directed by Rob Ruggiero, is breathtaking.

Ms. Turner is onstage during the entire course of the two one-hour acts.  Her portrayal of addiction counselor Sister Jamison Connelly is so true that once the initial applause recognizing Kathleen Turner dies down, her character ‘Sister Jamie’ takes over completely.

Her boss, Father Michael, is played by talented and handsome Michael Berresse, who imbues his speech and movement with the kind of dedicated calmness and aura of many of the real priests we have known. Father Michael tries, with all his secrets, to remain in control of his addiction counseling clinic, even as Sister Jamie challenges his motivation and authority at every twist and turn in the compelling plot.

Enter the client-addict: Cody Randall has been ‘assigned’ to Sister Jamie. He is a drug dealing male hustler who is addicted to, among other drugs, injecting crystal meth. A suicide attempt has been sited as the reason for his being assigned to the church counselor, although Sister Jamie thinks there are other motives at play.  She wants no part of counseling a determined loser for whom she expresses contempt, but she is given no choice.  In these confrontational scenes Lombardo skillfully employs humor that grows out of some of the tensest moments in the play.

Critically acclaimed actor Evan Jonigkeit is stunning as Cody Randall. With an uncanny understanding of the character, the exotic-looking Evan uses what seems to be every nerve ending in his body to successfully bring Cody to life.  We feel his pain as an addict yet at the same time can understand Sister Jamie’s lack of compassion for this manipulative street-kid.

In a key scene, in which nudity takes a major part, violence erupts between client and counselor.  The raw tension, physical combat and battle of words causes us as the audience to watch in stunned silence.  Here are two “forces of nature” in opposition.

The scene ends the first act, and at the conclusion of the battle, we, like Kathleen Turner, need to take a lingering pause – just to catch our collective breath.

David Gallo has created a minimal black-and-white set which works perfectly so as not to distract from the story. A chair and table, a door, or a wall can represent a church sacristy, a counselor’s office, or a filthy needle-strewn alley.

The play has had much pre-publicity regarding playwright Matthew Lombardo’s own addiction to crystal meth.  His real-life story is revealed in the playbill, although this play is not autobiographical.  Matthew, however, has created characters that are not only true, but are admittedly flawed and damaged.  The play challenges us to confront our own flaws and addictions, but also asks us to assess, no matter how painful it is for us, our own damages.

Director Rob Ruggiero worked on this play having been given five gifts.  The first gift is his knowing talent as a director who is an expert in well-paced story telling. The written words of Matthew Lombardo comprise the second gift.  The next three gifts are Kathleen Turner, Evan Jonigkeit and Michael Berresse who make Jaime, Cody and Michael come to life as fully rounded characters.

A week or so after “HIGH” opened, a friend told us that she had seen it.  Although we recognize that each person perceives drama with a different view, we asked “What did you think?”  Taking a deep breath she said, “Wow, it was a lot to process. I’m still doing that.”

“HIGH” gives you a pass from thinking for two riveting hours. You don’t need to think. You just need to watch, listen and feel.  Later, in the quiet moments when the processing of “HIGH” begins, you’ll think…..about addiction, about compassion, about motivation, about selfishness, and about our fragility as flawed human beings in the vastness of the universe.

“HIGH” at TheaterWorks at City Arts on Pearl, 223 Pearl Street, Hartford. Through August 22 only. Tickets:  www.theaterworkshartford.org 860.527.7838.

Copyright ©.  2010.  Critics on the Aisle™.   All rights reserved.

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by Neil Rosenthal

Note: this is the first of a two-part series.

Dear Neil: I am fifty-five, and find myself single all over again. Trying to find a relationship is radically different than it was when I was in my twenties. I want to remarry, but it’s harder to date at this age, and it is very difficult to evaluate whether someone would be compatible with me. I know I’m not as “hot” as I used to be, and the people I’m meeting aren’t likely to win “sexiest man alive” contests anytime soon as well.  Is there anything that could help me evaluate whether someone is a good potential intimate partner for me?

- Haven’t Given Up in California

Dear California: I’ll try. Part of the dilemma is that adults in midlife and older are far more self-defined than they were when they were younger. Presumably you know who you are, what you want, what you’re unwilling to accept or tolerate, what attracts you and what your deal-breakers are. There are also important lifestyle differences to consider: living in the city vs. the country; food and diet choices; someone’s overall health and well-being; personality styles you don’t want to deal with; moody individuals . And of course there are those people that have their hearts walled off, so it’s just about impossible to get really close to them. And who hasn’t encountered people who are wedded to their work, children/grandchildren, sports or anything other than you?

Here are my suggestions for how to evaluate and choose a potential intimate partner for people fifty and over:

• How personal is the relationship? That is, do the two of you confide personal feelings about your hopes, dreams, fears, traumatic experiences, challenges, disappointments and goals for the future? Would you describe the relationship as having depth, or is it more superficial?

• How compassionate and empathetic is this person? Toward you and others? How self-centered is s/he? Does your partner talk most of the time, or is s/he interested in knowing you, also?

• Are you attracted to him/her? Don’t get fooled. You still want to feel that romantic spark, don’t you?

• Do you have influence over major decisions? Are decisions made together or separately?

• How is anger expressed and handled in the relationship?

• Are you satisfied with the amount of quality time s/he makes available for you?

• When you identify things that are important to you, how responsive and accommodating is s/he to your needs, desires, wishes and requests?

• How well are your goals aligned? If one of you wants to live together and/or marry and the other doesn’t, you’re going to have trouble down the road.

• What is your partner’s attitude and comfort level regarding your children, grandchildren, extended family, friends and co-workers? Is s/he willing to join the relationships that comprise your world, or do you get resistance?

• What is your potential partner’s financial situation? Is s/he financially stable? Able to eventually retire without being too strapped? Are you likely to be his/her major form of financial support in the future? Are you OK with that?

Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in the Denver and Boulder, CO, specializing in how people strengthen their intimate relationships. He can be reached at 303.758.8777, or e-mail him from his website www.heartrelationships.com.

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