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by Bryan Golden

You’ve heard the saying, “Everyone has their price.”  This refers to the tendency of people to compromise or abandon their ethics for the right price.  The person who is willing to travel this route doesn’t really have ethics.

True ethics are not for sale.  An individual who is willing to alter his or her beliefs for great enough remuneration never had principles at all.  Someone who has firm convictions will not be influenced by any price.

Yet people from all cross sections of society do have a price as well as numerous justifications to absolve them of guilt.  It doesn’t matter whether a person has a high price or a low one, the end result is the same, they can be bought or will sell out.
When you have a price, you will find yourself in numerous predicaments.  You become obligated to those who have paid you.  As soon as you alter your behavior in return for something of value, the person who paid you will always have something to hold over you.  So, in addition to whatever you did, you will also be compromising your freedom.

When you do something you normally would not have, you will always be looking over your shoulder in fear of being caught.  Even if you aren’t involved in anything illegal, doing something unethical will have negative consequences.

Having a price also entails compromising your reputation.  Once lost, your reputation is virtually impossible to restore.  As one who is available to the highest bidder, you will be known as someone who can’t be relied on or trusted.

You also give up your dignity.  Regardless of how one attempts to justify selling out, they can’t hold their head up high or feel good about their actions.

The best way to live is to not have a price at which you are willing to act unethically or illegally. People who don’t have a price never have to wonder what to do when faced with an ethical dilemma.  They will choose to do the right thing.  The amount of money being offered is never an issue.

Refusing to have a price attracts good things to you.  Those who sell out descend into a downward spiral.  When you have unshakable integrity, you repel negative people and circumstances.

Although having a price is never good, when those in positions of public trust can be bought, the ramifications are widespread.  Not only will their malevolent actions impact many people, the actions of just a few sully the reputation of entire groups.

If you have a price, you will negate all you are looking to accomplish.  There are no shortcuts to reaching your goals.  The path of least resistance is a sure route to calamity.

Make sure you don’t have a price.  It’s never too late to take a firm ethical stand.  The fact that others can be bought isn’t a justification for you to compromise your life.  This column focuses on enabling you to break through your limitations.  Having a price is a limitation that will supercede all others.

NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book.  Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.

© Bryan Golden

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by Neil Rosenthal

Note: This is the second of a two-part series.

Even lawyers aren’t always adversarial. Many lawyers will acknowledge that a successful negotiation allows both sides to walk away from the table feeling content with the outcome.

But all too often, couple’s who can’t resolve their differences approach each other like bad lawyers. They argue their case over and over again—attempting to wear the other down—in order to get their way. In a relationship, however, it isn’t wise to have a winner and a loser. If one person feels defeated and therefore submits to the other, that will just generate greater levels of resentment.

Here are some suggestions about how to successfully resolve angry conflicts in your relationship, courtesy of Ellen Wachtel, in her book We Love Each Other But… (St. Martin’s Griffin):

• Make a list of your mate’s specific sensitivities and hot-button issues. What is he particularly reactive to? What really sets her off? Keep this list handy, because you’ll be able to add to it as things arise.

• Acknowledge your own sensitivities and issues, and turn criticisms into requests. Often you can avoid highly charged conflict by prefacing your reactions, comments and criticisms with an acknowledgement that you are touchy also.  You could say something like: “We both know I am sensitive about being told what to do. Even though your advice may not bother someone else, it annoys me. I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t give me directions and advice when I’m driving.” In general, the more you can couch your request as having to do with your needs rather than your partner’s failings, the more likely you are to be heard. If you say, for instance:”I know I get stressed by a messy environment and that I’m a bit of a neat freak,” you are inviting your partner to try harder to keep things neat. If you label him a slob, he is less likely to cooperate with you.

• Pair a statement of what you appreciate, admire or respect about your partner with a complaint or a request. For most people, criticism is hard to take, but it can be particularly difficult if it undercuts someone’s self-confidence or increases his/her self-doubt. Prefacing a complaint will soften the way it will be received. You might say something like:” I know you try hard to be even-tempered and most of the time I think you do pretty well, but recently I’ve been feeling you’ve been moody and quick to anger with me.”

• Try to accommodate your partner’s sensitivities even if they seem irrational.  Are there things you would do or say (or not do and say) if you were specifically attempting to avoid engaging one of your partner’s hot-button issues? Avoid “fighting words.”  If telling your partner that you think he’s selfish leads to a huge fight, stop using that word. Describe his actions in some other way. (This does not mean you should do all the accommodating. Each of us has the responsibility to work through our own issues so that the task of solving your problems has not been passed along to your partner.)

Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in the Denver and Boulder, CO, specializing in how people strengthen their intimate relationships. He can be reached at 303.758.8777, or e-mail him from his website www.heartrelationships.com.

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Kevin Morin shares the good news with Alexis Ann, editor and publisher, the Resident, of his new appointment as 2010-2011 President of the Groton Lions Club at the Shennecossett Yacht Club, Groton, on Saturday, June 19th.

by Alexis Ann

First, hats off to John P. Casey, president, Electric Boat, for reaching a preliminary agreement to purchase Pfizer’s New London complex. This is a win-win move for our region and the State of Connecticut as it will create and retain high paying jobs. Kudos here.

A round of applause to the Capano Family for contributing to our region’s economic development with the grand opening of their new Clinton ShopRite location.  The Capano Family knows how to successfully run grocery stores as witnessed in their New London and Norwich ShopRites. Visit the ribbon cutting here.

Congratulations to Kevin Morin, new president, Groton Lions.  Installation of officers was held at the Shennecossett Yacht Club, Groton on Saturday, June 19th — a party to remember here.

Ringo Starr’s star shines bright on the Mohegan Sun’s Walk of Fame. The ceremony was brief but momentous. Tribal Chairwoman and forthcoming Chief of the Mohegan Tribe Lynn Malerba, recalled watching the Beatles debut on the Ed Sullivan Show. It was an exciting Sunday afternoon for all those in attendance here.

And, the crowns go to Miss CT Brittany Decker, Bristol, and Miss CT Outstanding Teen Logan West, Southington, here.

Thanks for reading the Resident, the Good News that Rocks! Please remember to patronize our advertisers as they’re helping to make the “good news” happen.

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