Angela Olsen, Noank, continues her journey to become her own matchmaker after meeting Patti Stanger at Mohegan Sun.
by Angela Olsen
I have a brief story which comes to mind of late, as I continue my journey toward becoming the best possible version of myself, following Patti Stanger Boot camp at the Mohegan Sun Casino on Valentine’s weekend.
On a delightful afternoon in Chicago; I was in town for a seminar given by a marketing guru Rory Fatt, with priceless advice about expanding business in tough times. The seminar was filled with couples, working together, sharing the pleasure and pain of entrepreneurship.
When we broke for lunch, I was sitting at a lovely French bistro, sipping on a perfectly shaken martini, and asked my partner at the time about our future, “Everyone at the seminar is married, and working on these goals together… where do I fit in to this picture? Where is this relationship going, as I don’t foresee myself contributing, and investing into your endeavors forever as your girlfriend.”
He said, “Well, I might marry you someday, but… you don’t bring anything to the table.” Those words left a pain in my gut that can only be rivaled by the “Fourth-Meal” at Taco Bell, at two-o’clock in the morning after copious amounts of adult beverages. Those of you who know “Fourth-Meal” know exactly what I mean! Ouch! He’s not that into me…
Fast-forward two years of “dating detox,” and just four months at implementing the harsh but groundbreaking advice of Patti Stanger, The Millionaire Matchmaker, and I must laugh at a comment that nearly broke my spirit! In her book, “Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate,” Step Three, which comes after Mirror Mirror, the makeover step, is called Making Your Own Matchmaking Map.
The advice is abundant in this chapter, describing how to write a more alluring online dating profile by adding “icious” to the end of your name. The other part, which piqued my interest, describes places to go where you’re likely to bump into Mr. Right.
I chose golf! I thought, rather than be a wallflower at the clubhouse, let’s go for it! Let’s play 18 holes! I made a date with a new girlfriend and reader of my column, Marcia Douglas of Mystic. We met at Birch Plains, a charming Par-three course in Groton. I must admit, I was scared to death that I would be in the trees all afternoon, so I brought plenty of extra balls. I didn’t need them, I held my own! The fear of stinking was based in the past, when I was depressed, and had no game.
Golfing is a tremendous release and it’s fun! Being outside with nature, and an awesome friend, made me feel so high! I noticed that I was able to bring a presence, a “now-ness” into the game, which is why I believe that it went so well. Living in the moment, giving zero energy to past triumphs or failures, with the absence of frantic thoughts of the future, is the “now-ness” to which I am referring. There is tremendous power in this presence.
I came across a brilliant quote by Eckhart Tolle, in “The Beauty of Today,” a special contribution in the May issue of Oprah Winfrey’s magazine, which by the way, is a treasure trove of wisdom! Tolle states, about a new movement by people to be in the moment, “…people who are ‘practicing presence’ – endeavoring to let go of an excessive and unhealthy preoccupation with the past and future, and embrace the place where life happens…. the power for creating a better future is contained in the present moment: you create a good future by creating a good present.”
Beyond hunting for true love, the assignments given by Patti help create a beautiful now. In taking the advice to the next step, actively engaging in these hobbies to become a better “catch,” one actually becomes a more dynamic person and creates a richer life.
In light of what Tolle says, I am excited about the future! As far as not ‘bringing anything to the table,’ I think Beyonce says it best, “If you liked it than you shoulda put a ring on it!”
Barbara Tako’s Clutter Clearing Choices is about “how to live a fuller, more caring, and simpler life.”
by Roger Zotti
Remember Oscar Madison? Yes, Oscar Madison, the messy one of The Odd Couple! Well, Barbara Tako was once like him – but several years ago she underwent a turning point in her life.
Because her life was overrun with clutter, she said an emphatic goodbye to Oscar and “decided to become more like Felix Unger [Oscar’s roommate]. I learned my clutter clearing goal wasn’t about perfection but about freeing up energy [and time] to focus on the things in my life that matter most.” In fact, she rails against perfection because it “holds us back from attempts to get better organized, manage our time better… Decide it is more important to get started than to do it perfectly.”
To help other people “overwhelmed by clutter” the way she once was, Barbara shares her ideas in Clutter Clearing Choices (O Books). “We all have different personalities and preferences,” she says, “and we are all at different life stages. I offer a variety of suggestions rather than one ‘right’ way. I also think about different kinds of clutter depending on the season, and writing seasonally on this topic hadn’t been done before.” Packed with sensible information and common sense, her book is easy to read and insightful, valuable and humorous.
Here’s a sampling of Barbara’s many important clutter clearing tips: “Accomplish a lot of weeding out in small blocks of time – as little as 10 or 15 minutes… Spend less time worrying about clutter and just a little more time resolving it.” Also, remember to “Keep an ongoing donation box or shelf spot in your home to take discards to – as you discover them daily.” A common and serious clutter problem is what to do about sentimental items that accumulate. According to Barbara, “Keep the sentiment by taking a photo or writing in a journal, but donate, sell, or gift the actual ‘stuff.’ Display rather than store ‘sentimental stuff.’ If you keep something in a basement or attic, ‘it’ could get wrecked by temperature or humidity level changes…”
And what if it’s a collection? “Keep your favorite two or three samples, write down the history of the collection, and decide not to retain the entire collection.” She believes, however, that “there is no one right way to handle sentimental items. We all choose to keep some sentimental items – and that is fine.”
For Barbara clutter is “physical, mental, emotional and relational.” Now, while it “can be tangible like household goods, clothing, toys, and paperwork,” clutter “can also be feelings that pull us down and wear us out, including stress, guilt, anxiety.” To paraphrase one of her key points: Clutter is anything in your life that isn’t helpful to you – but once you take charge of clutter, you might just find yourself living a more caring, richer, and simpler life.
Remember, Clearing Cutter Choices is written by someone who has experienced the problems clutter can cause – and therefore there’s nothing pie-in-the-sky about it … If you have stories or ideas about clutter clearing, contact Barbara at simplify@clutterclearingchoices.com or visit her website: www.clutterclearingchoice.com.
Get a group of people together talking food, and it’s a good bet that someone will express a dislike for at least one particular vegetable. But I’ve never heard anyone say they didn’t like string beans. Although around here they’re called string beans, the politically correct name is now ‘snap’ beans; the string portion having long ago been bred out of them.
Originating in South America, they were spread throughout Central and North America by migrating birds. In the 1500’s, Spanish explorers brought them back to Europe where they rapidly became a delicacy. In the 19th century, the ‘string’ was bred out and while original stringy string beans can still be had, most people prefer the modern variety.
One of the healthiest vegetables, they are also among the easiest to grow. Low in calories, around 43 to a cup, they are loaded with nutrients; Vitamin A, C, K, it’s almost like an alphabet of vitamins. Plus, Potassium, Magnesium, Thiamin, well, you get the picture.
When any discussion of beans comes up, there’s always the question of which are better, bush or pole beans. Pole beans are the good old standby that my grandmother always grew. They are usually planted in a hill, under a tepee of tall poles tied at the top. They take a little more time to mature than bush beans, due to the vines having to climb up the pole. Bush beans grow to maybe two feet and were originally developed so that machinery could be used in their harvest. I personally like pole beans because I don’t have to bend over to pick them.
There are many varieties available, a look at the bean section in your seed catalog and it’s easy to be overwhelmed. I seem to always go back to the Kentucky Wonder variety that my grandmother grew.
String beans like soil which is slightly acidic. Seeds are sown directly into the ground after all chance of frost has past and the soil temperature is at a constant 65 degrees. Anything cooler can stunt their growth, or worse, cause the seeds to rot in the ground.
It’s also a good practice to rotate where you plant them from year to year. And it’s best if they don’t follow where you grew last year’s tomato crop. Till or dig up the soil for a good eight inches.
For bush beans, plant one to two inches apart, in rows two to two and a half feet apart. When the plants reach around three inches high, thin them to three or four inches apart.
For pole beans, I like to grow them on a trellis, which in my case is 16 foot section of cattle fencing. I plant them the same as I would for bush beans, and train the vines onto the fencing when they start to move. You can also use chicken wire, which for some unknown reason is now referred to as “poultry netting.” However, you will have one devil of a time removing the vines at the end of the season.
Gene Henson is a University of Connecticut certified Advanced Master Gardner.
By now most of us have learned about ‘good’ and ‘bad’ cholesterol. HDL is the good stuff and LDL, the bad. You want to lower LDL and raise HDL. But did you know that stress is very similar? Yes, there is a huge difference between negative stress and creative stress.
HDL actually scrubs the blood vessels of LDL which clogs your arteries with plaque. Creative stress, similarly, transforms negative stress and turns it into the energy you need to realize your potential and to be fulfilled.
Dealing with bad stress is as urgent as dealing with bad cholesterol; we know that negative stress, like elevated LDL, can become a killer. To bring up the good cholesterol and lower the bad, you have to make dietary and lifestyle changes and commit to exercise. To transform negative stress you also have to work with your default response to difficult and challenging situations, be willing to examine core attitudes and beliefs and demonstrate the capacity to enact change. Here are three steps to engaging healthy, creative stress.
First, you have to figure out your default response to anything that negatively stresses you out. Go back to the first really big disappointment or really challenging situation you encountered as a child. Was your default response to lash out at others, have tantrums, blame others, sulk, become the victim who carried their wound with them all the time, did you look for quick distractions or go to your room and self-medicate with sweets and candy bars? Now think of other difficult times in your life and see how the pattern plays out.
Whenever you develop a way of not dealing with difficult energy, it stays and lodges in your body/mind. You can call this the basic physics of stress: negative stress is energy that is stuck.
Once you figure out your default response, step two is having a direct and truthful response to whatever challenge or obstacle life puts in your path. Stress wants a truthful response: if it doesn’t get one it hangs around and it starts to raise blood pressure and do other things to remind you that you are not dealing honestly with the root causes of your challenges.
Step two is not about having immediate right answers – it is about authentic struggle. Confusion is more authentic than pretending you have the answer when you don’t. Remember even Mother Theresa struggled with her doubts!
When you finally begin to see that this kind of deeper integrity opens up the real questions about your values and your life’s purpose, you begin to discover that stress can be your greatest teacher. This is the beginning of the third step: now every time a challenge comes your way you appreciate that, however difficult, it is going to help you grow and that is what you want more than anything in the world.
We know now that people live longer and have more indicators of wellness and happiness when they meet their challenges, when they focus on quality relationships, when they are dedicated to deeper service to family, friends and community and when they learn to forgive and be grateful. All those things take courage to be truly authentic. Creative stress teaches us how to grasp the nettle rather than always avoiding it for fear of the sting.
Yes, it is true people face sometimes unbearable challenges, and yet the ones who thrive and become models and even beacons of inspiration are the ones who transform every kind of negative stress and turn it into creative and compassionate action. And the remarkable thing in this regard is the so-called ‘average’ people – the survivors of Katrina, the miners’ wives, the veterans and those who lost their jobs and homes – are often the ones who teach us how to turn our greatest traumas into opportunities for growth and learning.
James O’Dea a member of the extended faculty of the Institute of Noetic Sciences (IONS) and author of Creative Stress: A Path for Evolving Souls Living Through Personal and Planetary Upheaval. Visit him online at www.jamesodea.com.
The winner of the 2010 Mohegan Sun World’s Strongest Man Qualifier, Derek Poundstone, Waterbury police officer, during the 700lb Timber Frame Carry.
story & photo
by Christopher Annino
Several weeks ago Strongmen Athletes from throughout the world come to battle feats of strength such as the Giant Timber Frame Carry 700lbs, Car Deadlift, and the Atlas Stones – which weigh 285 lbs to 420lbs – at Mohegan Sun Arena. Those who competed in World’s Strongest Man Qualifier were: Mark Felix, Brian Shaw, Derek Poundstone, Terry Hollands, Stoyan Todorchev, and Louis-Phillipe Jean.
Just coming off wining the Arnold Classic Strongman event for the 2nd time in a row and placing fourth in the World’s Strongest Man Championships in Multa, Waterbury police officer Derek Poundstone carved a reputation for himself in the strongest man competitions for being consecutive. “World’s strongest man is not about how strong an individual is, there is a great deal of technique, stamina, agility, and speed required in these events,” said Derek. At the Qualifier he had gathered another consecutive victory just barely winning over fellow athlete Brian Shaw.
