Governor M. Jodi Rell issued the following statement concerning the announcement that Connecticut-based helicopter maker Sikorsky and aerospace manufacturer Lockheed Martin are teaming together to bid on the U.S. Navy’s VXX presidential helicopter program:

“The news that Sikorsky – the provider of the Marine One fleet for every president since Dwight D. Eisenhower – is teaming with Lockheed Martin to compete for the next generation of the presidential helicopter program is good for Connecticut and good for the nation. Our President should be carried in an American-built helicopter.”

“Sikorsky’s successful history and experience in providing and maintaining this fleet is tremendously valuable. In partnership with Lockheed Martin, it offers a great opportunity for our state to continue its unique legacy in aerospace research, design and construction. The outstanding work force based in Stratford, with their record of excellence in commercial, military and VIP transportation aircraft, will be highly competitive in this future acquisition program.”

“The Department of Defense deserves credit for its wise decision to get the presidential helicopter program back on track with the VXX. And we applaud the corporate leadership and work force here in Connecticut for their outstanding record of success – and look forward to seeing that record continue for years to come.”

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The Pawcatuck Neighborhood Center has the largest Emergency Food Pantry in Southeastern Connecticut  and they need help! Donations urgently needed for:

• Clam Chowder
• Baked Beans
• Grape Jelly (very popular)
• Boxes of white rice
• Instant noodle mix
• Canned salmon
• Canned Spam (popular)
• Canned pineapple (have none – very popular)
• Canned pears (have none)
• Sweetened oatmeal (children especially like the dinosaur oatmeal)

Donations accepted at 27 Chase Street, Pawcatuck. Call 860.599.3285.

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by Bryan Golden

Everyone has problems, challenges, adversity, and obstacles they have to deal with.  Collectively, these are commonly referred to as troubles.  For many, their troubles become their constant companions.  They leave work and bring their troubles home.  They go to work and bring the troubles from home.  Wherever they go, their troubles are always by their side.

Carrying your troubles with you  creates constant stress.  Additionally, your mental state will repel people you interact with.  You will become unpleasant to be around.  You will be easily agitated.  You may snap at others for no reason or at the slightest provocation.

When your troubles are always with you, there is no let up.  As your frustration builds, your ability to effectively handle your problems diminishes.

Just because you have troubles doesn’t mean you have to constantly drag them with you. There are a few simple steps you can follow to break this habit.  The goal is to resolve your troubles, not transport them.

There are many different aspects to your life.  Besides your job, there is your home life.  Next there is your work.  Then, your friends.  Also, there are various relatives from parents to in-laws.

Consider each aspect as a separate cabin on a ship.  To prevent sinking, each cabin has a watertight door that seals it from the rest of the ship.  As you move from one cabin to another, you close each door behind you.

This is the exact same strategy to use when dealing with your troubles.  When you leave work, seal your work-related troubles behind you.  When you leave home, do the same thing.  When you get back to work, you can deal with the issues affecting you there.

There are a number of benefits to this approach. You can give each element in your life your full attention and you won’t take out your frustrations on innocent bystanders.

When you have troubles, your goal should be to resolve them, not carry them around.  By compartmentalizing all of the issues you are facing, you free yourself to deal with each challenge when most appropriate.  With each problem, take appropriate action.  Don’t just fret and worry.

There are too many examples of someone’s marriage suffering because of their job or a job suffering because of problems at home.  People who carry their troubles with them are constantly irritable and short-tempered.  Their personality becomes sour.  In the worst situations, these people actually endanger themselves and others.  This can manifest in road rage, violent or abusive behavior, and drug and alcohol abuse.

If you are used to carrying your troubles with you, compartmentalizing will take some time and effort.  The first step is developing an awareness of what your problems are and where they originate.  Going through a mental checklist daily will help.

When you get into the habit of leaving your troubles behind, you will feel happier and healthier.  Additionally, you will find it easier to solve your problems.

NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book.  Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.

© Bryan Golden

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by Neil Rosenthal

Dear Neil: My partner of 14 years and I have recently separated – the catalyst being my discovery of her third affair in the last 8 years. In telling her how damaging her affairs have been to me – feelings of betrayal, hurt, anxiety and humiliation-  I said an affair is about the most damaging thing you can do in a relationship. She commented that this is only true from a male perspective, suggesting that women are more hurt by other things, such as a lack of support, being undermined, being taken for granted or not being made to feel special.

Is this true? Are men more obsessed about infidelity and therefore more negatively impacted by it? We are moving on, but the hurt of the affairs still haunt me on a daily basis, and I am wondering if her comment is right. Am I obsessing because I am male?

- Hurt & Obsessed in New Zealand

Dear New Zealand: The more interesting question, and far more to the point, is this: If your partner understands that infidelity wounds men, why is she repeatedly doing it? Although her method of communication is both hurtful and destructive, it sure seems as if she is powerfully communicating with you through her behavior that she is unhappy with you and with your relationship.

So initiate a conversation with her about what type of relationship she would prefer. Ask her to articulate what would need to occur for her to feel that she’s in the kind of relationship she’d be happy with. That is the unspoken message in her behavior, and it would be in your self-interest to address it.

Regarding your question about whether men are hurt more by infidelity than are women, the answer is rather complicated. In my 29 years as a marriage counselor, I have seen both men and women destroyed by learning that their partner had been unfaithful. It can – and usually does – shake someone to their core, because it involves the betrayal of trust; that one person has deceived, misled by omission or outright lied to the other. It forces the cheated upon person to question whether the relationship is real, whether endearments, romantic “sweet nothings” and “I love you’s” can be believed, and whether s/he should stay or leave.

An affair will destabilize an otherwise solid relationship. It generates enormous pain, fear, insecurity, low self-esteem and anger, and it invites revenge, punishment and withdrawal. For most relationships, it will be a very long time before trust is restored, and many of those relationships will never regain the innocent, unrestrained “I’m wild about you” feelings – let alone the trust that is at the core of a healthy relationship.

I’m saying that both genders get deeply hurt by an affair. That being said, research suggests that men tend to be more focused on the sexual aspect of an affair, and women are more threatened by whether an affair has become a love relationship, and whether the other woman was getting romance or money that wasn’t being offered at home.

So to answer your question: No, you are not obsessing about her infidelity because you are male. You are obsessing about it because you’re human.

Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in the Denver and Boulder, CO, specializing in how people strengthen their intimate relationships. He can be reached at 303.758.8777, or e-mail him from his website www.heartrelationships.com.

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Prep Time: 20 minutes
Total Freezing Time: 4 hours+
Servings: 8 to 10

2     10 3/4-ounce frozen pound cakes, crusts removed,
       sliced into 1/4-inch-thick slices
3     cups vanilla ice cream, slightly softened
4     cups raspberry sorbet, slightly softened
1     pint fresh raspberries, rinsed and picked over
3     tablespoons Chambord (or any raspberry-flavored liqueur)

Prepare the pan: Trace and cut out a 9-inch circle from parchment paper
and fit it into the bottom of a 9-inch springform pan. Cut out a 3- by
27-inch strip of parchment and fit around inside of pan. Tape to secure
parchment paper and set aside.

Assemble the cake: Cover bottom of pan with a single layer of pound cake slices and spread ice cream evenly over cake. Freeze until ice cream hardens – about 25 minutes.

Spread 2 cups sorbet over ice cream, followed by another layer of pound cake slices. Return cake to freezer for 10 minutes.

Combine raspberries and Chambord together in small bowl. Remove cake pan from freezer and place berries evenly over cake.

Top with a final layer of pound cake and remaining sorbet. Wrap tightly with plastic wrap and freeze until firm – at least 4 hours

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