Here are some key dates for Phase 1 of Stonington’s Mystic Streetscape.  The contractor, Milton C. Beebe, will start milling existing pavement down to the old concrete roadbed on East Main Street from the drawbridge to a point just east of Willow Street (and parts of Cottrell Street south to John’s Pub) on or about March 29th. Paving is expected to begin the week of April 12th.  The new utility poles you see along East Main Street extending to the Civil War Monument will accommodate new decorative street lights that are part of this streetscape.  Except for these street lights, all of Phase 1 should be finished by April 30th.

Bookmark to:

by Bryan Golden

Happiness isn’t a reaction, it is a cause.  People who wait for specific circumstances to materialize before they are happy are putting the cart before the horse.  People who are happy attract positive situations.  Those who walk around with a scowl are a magnet for the very things they are unhappy about.

You don’t need a reason to be happy.  Being happy is a lot more enjoyable than being miserable.  Since feeling crummy isn’t pleasant, and it doesn’t make your situation better, why not be happy instead?

Well, it’s a great concept, but it is not a natural reaction.  We become conditioned from birth to consider our emotions to be a reaction to the events we experience.

For most people this ingrained cause and effect behavior continues throughout their lives.  This leads us to believe we do need a reason to be happy.  Therefore, many people wait, day after day, for the perfect combination of circumstances which will create the justification for happiness.

Since life is not perfect, there will be situations that are constantly below your expectations.  If you are waiting for everything to be perfect before you can be happy, you will be waiting a very long time.

You can be happy just to be happy.  You may think you have nothing to be happy about, but you are wrong.  Everyone has much more to be happy for than they realize.

Regardless of how you feel, start out by smiling.  When you smile you will feel better.  Force yourself if you have to.  A better approach is to think about anything that makes you happy.  It can be something from your past or what you desire now or in the future.

Next, think about your own life.  What do you have to be happy about?  Just the fact that you woke up this morning means the day ahead of you is full of promise and potential.  What else do you have that is good?  Your health, family, friends, a place to live, food to eat, or that you live in our great country?

You will quickly realize that you do indeed have many things to be happy about.  So even though you don’t need a reason to be happy, you have many reasons to feel that way.  As you get into the habit of being happy, every aspect of your life will seem better.

Being happy will improve your attitude.  As your attitude improves, you will start to attract the things into your life that you want and need.  You will thus create a positive cycle where happiness attracts more happiness.

This is a gradual process.  Many people are in the habit of living without happiness.  This happens so gradually that they aren’t even aware of how unhappy they are.  They have accepted unhappiness as a normal way of life.  So reversing it takes time.  One thing is certain.  As you start to feel happier, you will wonder how you accepted feeling any other way for so long.

NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book.  Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.

© Bryan Golden

Bookmark to:

by Neil Rosenthal

Dear Neil: I am a 69 year old successful, affluent business woman. My boyfriend of ten years is 55, and much less successful and affluent. He has twin daughters, age 21, who he dotes over and will do anything for. But they don’t want their father to have a girlfriend.

He lives in my house and cannot afford to share all living expenses, which does not present a problem for me. But he is held an emotional hostage by the twins. He will give to them lavishly, but he has to live frugally himself. When he goes to see them, he drops me totally off his radar screen, and I lose all presence in his life. He does everything they want, when they want, with utter disregard for me, and I feel shunned and dismissed when they’re in the picture or want something from him. Is there anything I can do about this?

- Not a Priority in Pennsylvania

Dear Pennsylvania: Initiate an extremely open, honest and sober conversation with him about what each of you vision for the future of your relationship, and the quality of relationship you would like to have with each other. During the next year or two, does he see the relationship remaining about the same, or does he want it to change?  What would he like to see different, and how does he envision getting from here to there? Specifically, what would he need to do in order to create that vision and what would be asked of you? Then it’s your turn to address the same questions. Talk about the quality of the relationship you desire with him for the future.

Tell him that it’s wonderful that he loves his daughters and is devoted to them, but that it feels awful to you because the warmth and connection between the two of you ceases, and then you feel invisible and unimportant to him. Don’t make this about his daughters—that will only make him defensive. Make it about you and how you feel slighted and ignored when he’s around his kids. Then tell him what behavior you’d like from him instead. Make sure to include something about the priority you’d like to hold in his life: perhaps that he can be in a warm, caring, vital relationship with you while also being a good father—and he doesn’t have to ignore one while tending to the other.

It occurs to me that he may not want the relationship to get any closer—that this is as close as he may want things to get between the two of you—but doesn’t acknowledge that because he’s financially dependent on you, and may fear you asking him to leave your house. I’m unclear if this is how he feels, but it would be prudent for you to keep a watchful eye in this direction, and look at how devoted and committed he is toward you.

In the end, you can’t control what he feels about you, or what priority he assigns you in his life. But you can get clear about what it is that you need in the relationship, and you can communicate your wishes, needs and desires, as well as what hurts, devalues or offends you. And you can also request different behavior—and how important that behavior is to you.

Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in the Denver and Boulder, CO, specializing in how people strengthen their intimate relationships. He can be reached at 303.758.8777.

Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in the Denver and Boulder, CO, specializing in how people strengthen their intimate relationships. He can be reached at 303.758.8777, or e-mail him from his website www.heartrelationships.com.

Bookmark to:

Prep Time: 30 min
Total Time: 2 hours 10 min
Makes: 2 bunny cakes, 16 servings

1   box Betty Crocker SuperMoist yellow cake mix
Water, vegetable oil and eggs called for on cake mix box
2   containers (1 pound each) Betty Crocker Rich & Creamy vanilla frosting
Neon purple and/or pink food color
Construction paper (inedible)
2   small marshmallows, cut in half, flattened
2   small jelly beans, cut in half
2   5-inch strips rainbow-colored sour candy, separated into strips
2   large jelly beans or candy-coated chocolate-covered peanut candies
2   rectangular-shaped white chewing gum pieces, cut in half
2   large marshmallows

1. Heat oven to 350°F (325°F for dark or nonstick pans). Make, bake and cool cake as directed on box for 2 (8- or 9-inch) round cake pans, using water, oil and eggs.

2. In medium bowl, tint 1 container frosting with neon purple food color. Using 1 cake round, cut in half to form 2 semicircles. Arrange halves on serving plate with cut side down and flat sides together with 1/4 cup frosting to form body.

3. Frost cake with frosting. Cut teardrop-shaped ears from construction paper; insert into cake. Using toothpicks to attach, use 2 small marshmallow halves and 2 small jelly bean halves for eyes. Use large jelly bean for nose and sour candy strips for whiskers. Place gum halves just below nose for teeth. Use large marshmallow for tail.

4. Repeat with remaining cake to make second bunny, using pink neon food color. Frost and decorate as above.

Bookmark to: