The American Lung Association is making it easier for people to get their seasonal flu shot this year with the availability of its 2009-2010 Flu Clinic Locator. The largest online directory of public seasonal influenza vaccination clinics is now available at flucliniclocator.org.

This easy-to-use online resource is searchable by zip code. It also provides the option to set up an appointment e-mail reminder and to sign up for influenza-specific updates throughout the season.

In the meantime, there are some measures you can take to protect yourself from both seasonal and H1N1 flu:

• Wash your hands frequently with warm water and soap. Sing the birthday song twice to make certain you have washed long enough.
• Avoid touching your face.
• Stay out of large crowns.
• Cough into your sleeve.
• Don’t go to work or school if you are sick.

For further information about influenza, call the American Lung Association at 1-800-LUNG USA, and select option 2.

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by Bryan Golden

The placebo effect is a great illustration of the awesome power of the mind.  Here is how it works.  A person is given an inert substance with no medicinal properties and told that it is a drug that is proven to cure whatever malady they are experiencing.

The amazing result is that the subject often recovers as if they received actual medicine.  The only explanation for the recovery is that since the person’s mind believed they were going to get better, they did.

Then there are those who don’t believe they can get better.  They tend to remain ill regardless of how strong, or how effective, the medicine they are given is.  Here the power of the mind becomes self-destructive.

This power of belief is demonstrated in other ways as well.  When a class of average ability students is told that they have exceptional ability, their performance increases to meet their expectations.

Conversely, when a group of above average students are informed that they are at best mediocre, their performance declines accordingly.  What you believe does control what you achieve.

The placebo effect will work either for or against you.  You already have engrained in your mind what you believe is possible and impossible.  Some of your beliefs may be based on supposed facts.  Others are based on what you have been told or what you have observed.

Regardless of why you believe something to be true, your mind accepts it as so.  Over time, your beliefs become so engrained, you accept them as written in stone.  You won’t challenge any of your assumptions.

The essential characteristic differentiating successful people from others is their belief system.  Those who succeed believe most, if not all, goals are accomplishable.  Regardless of the challenge, they seek out the solution.

The people who find success elusive, “understand” they have many limitations preventing their attainment of true success.  If they attempt something new, it’s half hearted with the subconscious expectation of failure.

So why don’t more people believe in success?  Because from birth, we are conditioned to believe success is achieved by others.  Since we are typically not exposed to any other way of thinking, we accept a life of limitation as fact.

You want the placebo effect to work for you, not against you.  It’s imperative for you to think about the results you want rather than what you don’t want.

Your mind will attract and bring you to the results you believe in.  Your mind does not discriminate between positive and negative goals.  Stay vigilant as to what your thoughts are.  It’s too easy to focus on the negative.

Since the mind will try to bring forth the result you are thinking about, you will be much better off by putting all of your thoughts in a positive framework.  Think about wanting enough money, wanting to be happy, wanting to be trim, and wanting to find solutions for any challenges you face.  You can make the placebo effect work for you.

NOW AVAILABLE:  “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book.  Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.
© 2006 Bryan Golden

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by Neil Rosenthal

Dear Neil: My marriage has suffered for years from a lack of physical intimacy. It has finally overcome us and we are getting a divorce. Sex just wasn’t that important to my husband. Even in our twenties, he fell asleep during foreplay, or he became aroused and would then say he was tired and just wanted to go to sleep.  We both ultimately agreed that it would be easier to be intimate with a stranger than it would be with each other.

So a few questions for you: If a couple quits having sex, barring a physical ailment, is it always indicative of other problems in the marriage?  Once a couple quits having sex for a prolonged period  is it possible to rekindle? Can a couple sustain their marriage without physical intimacy? Can you offer any insights as to why men will stay in a marriage that is dead or broken beyond repair – beyond them feeling a sense of obligation in caring for their wives and/or their families, and of the fear of being alone and starting over? – Had Enough in Dallas

Dear Dallas: A fair number of couples quit having sex, or have sex very infrequently. Some of the most common reasons are: anger,  punishment,  loss of connection, loss of desire, lack of reciprocal stimulation, childhood abuse,  anxiety, growing older, feeling unappealing or unattractive, lack of confidence in being able to sustain arousal, fear of surrendering, depression, low libido, poor romance, not feeling chemistry or physical attraction, and allowing the relationship to grow distant.

It’s entirely possible that your husband had a fear of closeness that wasn’t related to you. If you combine that with any of the above, you can see that there are potentially tons of reasons why people may quit having sex. So yes, it is possible for a couple to sustain their relationship with love, warmth and connection without sex, although fewer couples would say that ceasing physical intimacy is a great long-term solution.

It is indeed possible to rekindle a sexual relationship after a prolonged absence. But if the absence of sex was voluntary and intentional, the general rule of thumb is that the longer it’s been, the harder it will be to reignite.

Men stay in unhappy or broken marriages for the same reasons that women do, generally speaking. There can be any number of reasons: if you feel that divorce is wrong or that it means you are a failure, because you fear it would hurt the children, to keep up appearances, for financial reasons, because you’re afraid of hurting the other, because you’re afraid of conflict,  and so on.

For you personally, I might recommend that you examine why you stayed in the marriage when it became apparent to you that he wasn’t interested in making love with you. Why didn’t you more strongly confront the issue and demand that he address his sexual discomfort or lack of interest? Why didn’t you insist that he take care of your needs even if he weren’t interested in taking care of his own? Figure out what happened to your voice, your needs, your power, and your feelings.

Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Denver and Boulder, CO, specializing in how people strengthen their intimate relationships.  He can be reached at 303.758.8777, or e-mail him from his website, www.heartrelationships.com.

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photo by Dan Sokolik

Congratulations to sailing legend, Peter Ross, and the crew of Tynaje for finishing first in Class #1 and first overall in the Red Lobdell Memorial Regatta on August 15th. This is Peter’s fifth time winning the Regatta. The trophy was presented to Peter at the Stonington Harbour Yacht Club on October 17th.

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Real Men Wear Pink Patriots all-pro receiver Randy Moss covered his great pair of hands with some pink gloves in support of breast cancer awareness at the game on October 4th.

by Vito J. Leo

Over the years, the National Football League (NFL) evolved from a rough and tumble, beer-drinking, for-men-only image, to one that is more family oriented, embracing women as ardent fans and sportscasters.

And never was that more evident than during games played on the first Sunday of October – the month which for the past 25 years is traditionally reserved as National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

On October 4th, the New England Patriots kicked off a month-long campaign to raise public awareness concerning breast cancer. Other NFL are participating, each franchise using different approaches all with the same goal: to raise awareness and money to help in the national effort to beat breast cancer.

“Throughout the league, games are featuring players, coaches and referees wearing pink game apparel, as well as on-field pink ribbon stencils, special K-balls and pink coins,” said a Patriots spokesperson.

In addition to players wearing pink accessories and the cheerleaders wearing pretty pink outfits, the team festooned Gillette Stadium with colorful pink, including the padding on the goal posts, and fans could purchase pink towels to wave during the game, with proceeds going to breast cancer research.

Jill Fallon, Salem, nurse manager, Cancer Center, Lawrence & Memorial Hospital, New London, was first diagnosed with breast cancer 10 years ago.

“It’s awesome that they’re so aware of this,” said the decade-long survivor. “I love the fact that they can reach a lot of men and younger people who watch the games on TV might and who may not be aware of the need for annual mammograms,” she said.

But Jill offered a thought that perhaps people shouldn’t just turn off the awareness button come November 1 after the month-long spotlight on breast cancer during October.

“I wish there was similar awareness for other diseases as well,” she said. “So many people have other diseases [which aren’t fortunate enough to] get such national support.”

Tami Chapman, Griswold, is a registered nurse at L&M, and is involved with various support groups at the hospital.

She said she was pleased while watching an NFL game earlier this month and seeing the players wearing various pink accessories.

“I’m encouraged that they’re making an effort to make people more aware of this but people should realize that breast cancer is just one of many forms of cancer, although it seems to get more exposure than most of the others,” Tami said. “Everybody should realize there’s a ribbon color for every type of cancer, not just pink for breast cancer. Maybe the NFL could give some exposure to some other types of the disease during future months,” she said.

The NFL website also has specially designed pink paraphernalia for sale with a portion of the proceeds donated to support the fight against breast cancer. Visit www.nflshop.com and click on the breast cancer awareness icon.

The league has labeled its campaign “A Crucial Catch,” using the play on words to underscore the fact that catching symptoms of this disease early on is crucial in effecting good outcomes.

One way people can support the effort to raise research funding – without having to donate any money – is simply by visiting the website www.thebreastcancersite.com and clicking on the appropriate box. Sponsors donate funds for each click made, one per computer per day.
The NFL sends this message to both its male and female fans: “If you’re a woman who is 40 or older, be sure to get a mammogram every year. Men, don’t forget to encourage the important women in your life to get yearly mammograms, too.”

It’s important to realize that men are also susceptible to this disease, accounting for about one percent of all cases nationwide.

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