“I find revising fun. I like playing with words,” says Mystery writer Roberta Isleib.
by Roger Zotti
As part of the Connecticut Authors Trail, twenty-one Connecticut writers are visiting twelve local libraries this summer. The series brings together a diverse group – and mystery writer Roberta Isleib, Madison, is one of them. Roberta appeared at the Preston Public Library on August 4th. The finale, featuring food writers Mark Scarborough and Bruce Weinstein, will be held at the Mohegan Sun Cabaret Theater, September 24, at 7:00 pm.
“Asking for Murder” (Berkley), Roberta’s latest novel, is about an advice columnist, she said, “whose good friend is badly beaten and left for dead.” After the police lose interest in the case, Dr. Rebecca Butterman “takes up where they left off.” Roberta said her next book will be “a stand-alone suspense novel about a real estate agent whose husband leaves her. Through a series of unpleasant coincidences, she becomes suspected of involvement in a prostitution ring.”
One reason Roberta writes is the challenge it presents. “There is so much to learn from trying things, reading what others have written, taking classes, reading books on writing, and working on getting better,” she said. Another reason is “to see the book out in the world and then to hear from readers.” Still another are her characters, “I grow very interested in and attached to them. It’s fun to work out who they are, how they got that way, and how they’ll evolve in the future.”
“Just do it” is the best advice Roberta ever received as a writer. She elaborated, “Good writing is hard and it doesn’t come with the first draft. So you must sit yourself down and hammer out the first edition, and then revise, revise, revise. And don’t be in a hurry to send it out, ever.” Annie Lamot makes the same point in “Bird by Bird,” one of the best books ever penned about writing. When you write, Annie says, “…you find out things as you go along. Then you go back and rewrite. Remember: no one is reading your first draft.” At the Preston Library, Roberta put it like this, “Your first draft is garbage. But I find revising fun. I like playing with words.”
Roberta was past president of Sisters in Crime (SinC), an organization formed by mystery writer Sara Paretsky and “some other brave women in 1986 to support women crime writers.” It began with nine members and now numbers 3,500 and according to its website, its “purpose is to promote the professional development and advancement of women crime writers to achieve equality in the industry.” (Visit www.sistersincrime.org for more information.)
Roberta’s work with SinC was, she explained, a “wonderful experience! People assume that women writers are treated equally with men. We’ve come a long way, but there’s work to do yet.” Roberta added that because writing is a solitary effort, it’s sometimes “so hard to keep positive about what I’ve written.” She has been fortunate, though, “to find a writer’s group and a group of friends in the mystery business to lean on for support and feedback.”
(l-r) Rosie helps Stephen Kenny by opening the door for him.
Like many people living with spinal cord injuries, Janet Severt has an independent streak. But, a C5, C6, C7 quadriplegic since the age of 7, she had to depend on other people for many tasks she wished she could do herself. So she came up with a solution.
Janet began raising service dogs to help others living with paralysis. Service dogs can pick up items that are dropped on the floor, turn on or off lights, make emergency telephone calls, and even pull wheelchairs. Most of all, they empower their owners to lead more mobile, more productive, independent lives, all while providing love and companionship.
People like Stephen Kenny, who is living with a spinal cord injury due to a diving accident in 1993. “I don’t even know if I’d be able to live without them,” he says of his service dogs.
Stephen’s dogs, Rosie and Sunny, are both his helpers and his friends. “As soon as the leash and cape (or vests) go on,” he says, “the dogs know to sharpen up.” Having limited function in his hands, Stephen asks his dogs to pick up anything from the TV remote to silverware. “It gets to the point, I don’t even have to ask them to do something, they already know.”
Service dogs not only help with daily tasks from grocery shopping to house cleaning, but they help connect their owners to other people – taking the emphasis off the wheelchair. The dogs also enable their owners to more easily attend and participate in social activities – whether it be a summer picnic in the park, a bingo game, or a night at the theater.
These dogs can do almost anything and they are just one of the programs supported by the Reeve Foundation to help people living with spinal cord injury improve their quality of life. For more information about the Reeve Foundation, call toll free 1.800.225.0292 or visit the website, www.christopherreeve.org.
Dear Neil: Why do I feel so unlovable? I never feel I’m good enough, I doubt myself all the time and I seldom trust my own judgment. Although people often describe me as a beautiful woman, this lack of belief in myself has caused me, as an adult, to choose men over and over again who are terrible for me, and to reject the men who are good for me.
I grew up with a mother who was very judgmental and critical of me, my siblings, my Dad and everyone else. My Dad catered to and supported her, and seldom shielded us kids from her blistering tongue lashings and warnings of dire consequences if we didn’t shape up. Could this be related to why I struggle with love relationships?
- Feeling Unlovable, VA
Dear Virginia: Parents who are narcissistic give their children the message that you’re not good enough, that the world revolves around them.
If you had (or have) a parent who is narcissistic, your task was to be there for your mother, to attend to her feelings and desires, even as a young girl. Karyl McBride, in her excellent book “Will I Ever Be Good Enough?” (Free Press), describes this process. She says that narcissists lack empathy and are unable to show love. And without that empathy and love from your Mother, you are far more likely to lack that sense of true emotional connection.
Karyl describes the process between mothers and daughters, but the same rules apply to either parent. She says that if you are a child of a narcissistic parent, you likely feel that you’re not good enough – and you are far more likely to feel unlovable. Because you heard self-negating messages growing up, you are likely to also feel one or more of the following:
• You feel emptiness inside, and a general lack of contentment.
• You struggle with love relationships.
• You fear you will become like your mother.
• You worry about being a good parent yourself.
• You feel you had no role model for being a healthy, well-adjusted woman.
• You have trouble being a person separate from your mother.
• You find it difficult to experience and trust your own feelings.
• You feel uncomfortable around your mother.
• You find it difficult to create an authentic life of your own.
• You find yourself constantly attempting to win your mother’s love, attention and approval, but never feel able to please her.
• The way things appear is far more important to your mother than how they feel to you.
• Your mother does not support your healthy self-expressions, especially when they conflict with her own needs or they threaten her.
• In your family, things were always about Mom.
• Your mother is unable to empathize.
• Your mother is critical and judgmental.
• You have no boundaries or privacy with your mother.
The more of these that fit you, the more likely it is that you grew up with a narcissistic parent. I will talk about how to heal the messages you received as a child in next week’s column.
Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Denver and Boulder, CO, specializing in how people strengthen their intimate relationships. He can be reached at 303.758.8777, or e-mail him from his website, www.heartrelationships.com.
In the last column, I discussed the negative emotions of anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, superiority, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, and ego. This column and the next, will look at the positive emotions of joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
Positive energy creates more happiness, attracts good things, and draws other positive people to you.
You can find joy by paying attention to all the good that exists. Even when the world appears to be filled with turmoil, there is still a lot of good many people overlook. Don’t immerse yourself in the negative. Overexposure to negative news and people will smother your joy.
Finding joy takes more effort than finding problems. People are not joyous by accident, they consciously choose it. It’s hard to stay full of joy if you spend a lot of time with those who aren’t.
Although most people want peace and serenity, they ironically embrace conflict. You can’t feel at peace when you have constant conflict. So instead of looking for problems, seek solutions.
There is a solution for every problem. Just the realization of this should provide some peace and relaxation. Being at ease enables you to more readily identify solutions. As you become adept at solving problems, you take them more in stride. As a result, you feel more peaceful.
Love is touted as an elusive emotion that has the potential to solve all of mankind’s problems. The fact is, there are people you don’t like and there are those who don’t like you. Even so, it’s important to be able to love yourself. This means you are happy with who you are and constantly strive to improve.
When you feel good about yourself, you are more likely to treat others well. Individuals who are mean, typically are not happy with who they are.
Hope keeps you going when the going gets tough. If you give up hope, you prevent yourself from solving problems. Hope works best when you take a proactive approach. Those who sit and wait, are not proponents of hope.
Happy people are always filled with hope. They smile, laugh, and are pleasant to be around. People who drag themselves around, don’t have hope. Hope is a cause, not a result.
Self-confident people exhibit humility. They don’t have to prove anything, nor do they attempt to boost their own stature by putting others down. Humble people are content with who they are.
Humility is a quality that makes one comfortable to be around. No one likes to associate with an egocentric person. Those with humility always take an interest in others. Additionally, they are always respectful and considerate.
The next column will continue with kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper. 2006 Bryan Golden
(l-r) Mohegan Sun honors Taylor Swift with a star on their Walk of Fame. Mitchell Ettess, President & CEO, Mohegan Sun, Taylor Swift, and Lynn Malerba, Vice Chairwoman, Mohegan Tribe, during the induction ceremony on August, 28th in front of the Mohegan Sun Arena box office.
story & photos
by Jessica Warzeniak
On Friday, August 28th, Mohegan Sun honored country cutie Taylor Swift with her very own star on their Walk of Fame. Taylor’s stop at Mohegan Sun, part of her outrageously successful “Fearless” Tour, sold out in a record breaking two minutes.
“It means the world to me that you guys have sold out this show for me and I cannot thank you enough. Thank you so much for my spot on the floor,” said Taylor Swift to the crowd that gathered at Mohegan Sun to see her reveal her star on the Walk of Fame.
Taylor’s induction ceremony drew the largest crowd to date for any Walk of Fame inductees. The crowd chanted Taylor’s name as they tried to patiently wait for her. Deafening screams announced her arrival in front of the Mohegan Sun Arena box office.
“Honestly, this has been the best summer of my life and I cannot wait to continue that and have a lot of fun tonight with you guys,” said Taylor, referring to her concert featuring Glorianna and American Idol winner, Kellie Pickler, later Friday night. “It means the world to me that you guys have sold out this show for me and I cannot thank you enough. Thank you so much for my spot on the floor.”
The Walk of Fame is in honor of those individuals who have made significant contributions to Mohegan Sun’s success. Previous inductees include Rascal Flatts, Rod Stewart, Alan Jackson, and Tim McGraw, who was the first in 2004.
