Dear Neil: Could you talk about the struggles of being in a long-distance relationship? My boyfriend is in the Army and we’ve been braving the distance for over a year, but military relationships are difficult, and we have pitfalls. I have struggled with having such little control over our relationship due to the Army’s agenda and the money constraints. It’s difficult to plan our future, it’s hard to deal with him not being around, and it’s hard to have to sit on the sidelines when he visits-since he is in such high demand with his family and friends. Can you offer any advice? – Struggling Military Girlfriend Dear Girlfriend: Here are some suggestions for keeping a relationship strong when you are in a long-distance relationship:
• Stay in touch on a day-to-day basis-or as close to that as possible. And don’t fall out of touch.
• Make sure you’re sharing your hearts-not just information or thoughts when you communicate with each other. Write romantic, intimate e-mails. Do the same with phone calls.
• Find ways that will allow you to stay involved in each other’s worlds by asking about the other person’s interests, activities and feelings, and other person’s world and by sharing yours.
• Spend one time a week on a “date,” playing cards or Internet games together or watching a movie at the same time-and then talking or e-mailing afterwards-and make sure you keep all on-line or phone dates..
• Talk about your future together. I am making the assumption that you eventually want to end up together. If so, agree on an end goal-a specific time when the separation is going to end.
• Make sure you follow up on all promises or agreements with immediate action.
• Read a couple’s self-help book together-by e-mail or phone-and work all the couple’s exercises together.
• When you do see each other again, consider a weekend (or longer) vacation for only the two of you, and go someplace special.
Dear Neil: I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. I’m 30 and he’s 29. Our relationship is on the decline, and we have split up a couple of times due to increasing issues between us. In talking to my therapist, he says that my relationship will never work unless we get relationship counseling, but my boyfriend refuses to go. I have only brought up the therapy aspect with my boyfriend once, and he was adamant about not going.
So my question: How do I suggest that we go to counseling in a way that might be more appealing to him? If we don’t do something drastic, I am going to leave the relationship. – Discouraged in Denver Dear Denver: Try something like: “If we don’t go to someone and get some help so that I can (fill in the blank) feel more supported/feel more respected/feel as if we’re communicating with each other more effectively/feel closer and more connected/not feel afraid to tell you I’m upset, I’m going to leave this relationship.”
If that doesn’t work, leave. For some people, it takes that in order for the message to truly sink in that you’re unhappy with the relationship the way it is now, and you require a partner who is responsive to your needs, wishes and requests.
Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Denver and Boulder, CO, specializing in how people strengthen their intimate relationships. He can be reached at 303.758.8777, or e-mail him from his website, heartrelationships.com.
“Persistence can grind an iron beam down into a needle. Dripping water can pierce a stone.”
- Chinese Proverb
“Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than
unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan ‘Press On,’ has solved and will always solve the problems of the human race.”
- Calvin Coolidge
“If you falter, and give up, you will lose the power of keeping any resolution, and will regret it all your life.”
- Abraham Lincoln
Persistence is the key to all success. There may be those examples of instant successes, but they are few and far between. The one guaranteed route to failure is to give up.
The Grand Canyon was created by the persistent effect of water eroding rock. This action, over time, removed billions of tons of rock to create this gigantic gorge.
Suppose you didn’t know about the existence Grand Canyon. You wondered what effect, if any, water would have on rock. As an experiment, you poured a pitcher of water on a section of bedrock. Nothing would happen. Even if you repeated your experiment daily for a year, the results would not change.
Anyone with a basic knowledge of science could predict the uselessness of pouring water on rock. Yet this is the exact approach too many people use when attempting to solve problems, overcome obstacles, or achieve goals. They make a few half-hearted attempts, only to give up when success isn’t immediate.
There is no success without perseverance. Those who give up and fail will be passed by those who persevere to success. Stubborn persistence will compensate for deficiencies in other areas. Successful people are not necessarily the most talented, educated, or intelligent. They are the most persistent.
The best students in school are the ones who are the most persistent. They study as much as necessary to understand the material. If they don’t immediately comprehend something, they go over the subject until they do. Ironically, smarter students often don’t do as well as the persistent ones.
Why don’t more people persist? Because they expect instant results. These people think a canyon is formed by pouring a jug of water on rock. When their first attempt doesn’t work, they abandon their quest. After falling down once or twice, they stay down.
The founding of our great country was the result of persistence. The invention of the light bulb took thousands of attempts before it worked. Many successful businesses were started after previous failures. Babe Ruth achieved great fame because he kept swinging. Although known for hundreds of home runs, Ruth also had thousands of strikeouts.
Persistence means never giving up. It means doing whatever it takes for as long as it takes. Persistent people make mistakes. Persistent people fail. Persistent people get frustrated. Persistent people get tired. But persistent people always get back up and keep going.
It’s very simple to be persistent. It’s just not easy. Being persistent has to be a way of life, not something that’s done occasionally. Persistence is not just one way to be successful, it’s the only way.
Anyone can be persistent. Even someone who is not used to being persistent can begin today. Start by purging your vocabulary of concepts such as “I can’t do it,” “It won’t work,” “Nothing is happening,” or “It’s too hard.”
When facing any challenge, tell yourself, “I can do it. I will do it. I will never give up. I will do what it takes. If I stumble and fall I will always get back up and keep going.” Persist until you succeed.
NOW AVAILABLE: “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper. 2006 Bryan Golden
Members of the Chamber of Commerce of Eastern CT enjoyed an afternoon at The Day as part of the Chamber’s Leadership Program, Thursday, March 12th. Part of the experience featured a panel of media reps discussing the changes and challenges of media today. The speakers included the Resident’s very own, Alexis Ann, editor & publisher, Tony Cronin, business editor, The Day, Harriet Jones, business reporter, WNPR, and Kirk Varner, VP and director of news, WTNH and MyTV9.
The panelists agreed with Alexis that, “Media has come full circle, going back to its roots of being an outlet for local news.”
“What’s the definition of local?” asked Kirk. “It could be CT or New Haven. Is the news perspective different in Groton than in New London? Yes! Local is in terms of relevance to our consumers… It isn’t always about the crowd, about the biggest ring [on a target]. It’s the things that affect you the most in your world. Then you can go back out to the outer rings and add statistics.”
Newspapers originated as a way to communicate local gossip. “People like reading about people,” said Alexis. “That’s what the Resident started out doing in 1990 and that is what we’ll continue to do. Community papers have longevity in the market.”
“The biggest challenges [for daily newspapers] are falling circulation, falling advertising, changing reader habits, interactive websites, and a severe recession. Most of our advertising comes from the automotive and real estate industries – the two hardest hit,” said Tony. The Day is tackling these challenges by focusing more on local news and becoming more interactive on the web. Kirk and Harriet agreed that TV and radio are following the same plan.
With news sources available every second of the day, people are making their choices based on what is relevant to them. “What’s our niche? What do we do that no one else does? What makes us unique? We are all competing for your time… We need to be what you won’t get from CNN, the New York Times, or NPR,” said Kirk. “That’s the future!”
“We are doing a mix of National NPR and what we produce locally,” said Harriet. “We are doing a lot more local than we ever did.”
An important point is that the news can’t happen without interaction from the readers/ viewers/listeners. “For all of us, a large part of what we do is driven by you,” said Kirk. “We rely on people to tell us what’s going on. The bulk of our stories begin with ‘Hey, did ya know?’ We’re all bottomless pits looking for stories to cover.”
Are you at risk? DVT, Deep Vein Thrombosis, is a potentially fatal blood clot that forms in the deep vein system of the lower leg and can occur from sitting in the same position for an extended period of time.
According to the American Heart Association, DVT occurs in about two million Americans annually, with up to 600,000 people hospitalized. The issue is so severe that Steven K. Galson, M.D., M.P.H., acting U.S. Surgeon General, issued a Call-to-Action to drive awareness to reduce the number of cases of DVT.
“Symptoms of DVT include leg pain and swelling. DVT can only be diagnosed with an ultrasound. If you have these symptoms see your doctor right away. If you’re worried about your risk of DVT talk to your doctor” said Dr. James Altizer MD, FACPh, RVT, RPVI, Vein Center of Charlotte and Fellow, American College of Phlebology. “Although DVT is more common in older patients, the obese, pregnant women, and patients who are unable to walk, anyone can get a DVT under the right circumstances.”
What can be done to reduce your risk? Physicians recommend wearing graduated compression therapy products. It is clinically demonstrated that controlled, graduated compression applied to the lower extremities accelerates the velocity at which the blood flows through the deep veins placing the greatest compression at the ankles where it’s needed most, helping improve circulation.
“DVT does not discriminate, it can strike anyone regardless of age, race or gender,” added James.
Microfiber Firm Support Travel Socks, offer the protection needed when traveling by improving circulation in legs. In fact, The World Health Organization recognizes this type of sock to reduce the risk of DVT when flying.
Cathy King, a resident of Harrington Court, Colchester, greeted a big milestone on February 5th. She turned 100 years old! Cathy is still spry and alert. It is hard to believe upon meeting her that she’s lived for a whole century.
Catherine was born on February 5, 1909 in Waterbury. “I lived a normal childhood,” she says, “playing hop scotch, hide and seek and spin the bottle.”
Catherine enjoyed spending time with her family. She grew up with six sisters and one brother. “My family and I played cards a lot to make the time go by,” Catherine remembers.
When Catherine met her husband Leo King, he lived in the same apartment building as she did. She remembers him being so well-dressed because his father had a clothing store. “He was the man for me, I knew the first time I saw him,” Catherine recalls.
Leo and Catherine married in a small, but beautiful wedding ceremony. They stayed in Waterbury where Leo worked at a meat market. Catherine kept busy working as a bookkeeper and later working at a greenhouse growing flowers and all different types of plants.
Catherine and Leo raised two beautiful children, a boy and a girl. When asked about what some of her greatest accomplishments are, Catherine says, “Raising my children, living one hundred years, and loving my grandchildren.”
To celebrate her 100th birthday, Catherine was honored with two huge parties. The mayor of Colchester came on her birthday to award her with a Proclamation for her milestone. She also received letters from the UConn Huskies Girl’s Basketball team, the Red Sox (Cathy’s favorite team), George and Barbara Bush, Jodi Rell, and she’s waiting for her letter from Barack Obama.
Catherine’s family also threw a party for her on the 7th. She was treated like a celebrity. There was jubilation the whole month of February for Harrington Court’s special lady and her amazing milestone. Happy 100th birthday Catherine!
