by Roger Zotti

Don’t be fooled by the title of R.E. Hughes’s wonderful book, “Stanley the Christmas Tree, A Wish Come True” (Pennie Rich Publishing).   It’s a book for all seasons  because its lesson and message are universal.   And yes, it’s a book for all ages as well.  It’s about a Christmas tree named Stanley. He’s proud, handsome, and dignified -  and discarded. Seems the family who brought him home had a crisis and has to spend Christmas visiting their ill grandchild who lives far away.

Poor Stanley.  He’s dumped in an alley and he’s sad and lonely. But Hughes writes, “Even in his sadness, Stanley couldn’t help feeling proud. All the years of trying to grow straight and tall had not been in vain. Even in his loneliness, he was beautiful.”   And what happens next? Reward your children – and yourself – by reading R.E’s book. They’ll enjoy and benefit from it; you will, too.

“Stanley The Christmas Tree” has an interesting history.  Thirty-five years ago R.E.  wanted to give his young daughter, Terri, a unique Christmas gift, so he wrote the Stanley story for her, but she was too young to appreciate it. “She was about nineteen months old,” he said. “Over the years we would read the story to the family. Interesting thing was, when  I told Terri we were going to publish  ‘Stanley the Christmas Tree,’ [in 2006], she told me she didn’t really know I had written it for her. So it was a gift again.”

R.E. said that the most difficult thing about the book was the publishers’ reaction: “It  was a project that had an audio book – that is, music and narration with it. Some publishers didn’t want music, some did. Some didn’t want narration and some did. That and the steep learning curve of opening our own publishing company was the hardest part of the whole thing.”

Hope is the universal lesson R.E. would like readers take from the book. “We all have things pulling on us from every angle. Whether it be the economy or life in general, keep a positive attitude” – which Stanley embodies throughout his story. “My wife is a primary example of that,” R.E. added, Some years ago, she wound up with a broken back. She went through hell with the insurance companies trying  to get treatment. It was a work-related accident … Throughout the whole ordeal, her attitude remained positive. She couldn’t be dragged down [by her injury.] I think maintaining a positive attitude, understanding that life happens, and if you persevere and have hope [like Stanley does], good things will come through.”

Anita Saunders’ illustrations are rich, vibrant, and filled with life. As for the audio component, Paul Mackenzie’s narration is  just right. California song-writer Maynard Williams’s original  songs are a perfect fit. Visit these websites for more information: www.stanleythechristmastree.com and www.pennierich.com.

Bookmark to:

February Scholarship Deadline Approaching for High School Seniors

Ronald McDonald House Charities® of CT and Western MA announces it will award a total of $50,000 to 22 local high school seniors this academic year through its scholarship program. Students of all backgrounds are encouraged to apply, with $31,000 allocated to eligible Hispanic applicants via the RMHC®/HACER® (Hispanic American Commitment to Educational Resources) Scholarship and $19,000 via the RMHC® Scholars Scholarship. Scholarship applications are now available online at www.rmhc.org or by calling 1.866.851.3994. Students can also see their guidance counselor for applications. The deadline for submitting an application for the 2008-2009 scholarship program is February 16, 2009.

Eligibility Requirements for RMHC scholarships:

1.     Be eligible to enroll in and attend a two-or four-year college with a full course study.

2.     Reside in a participating area.

Additional Eligibility Requirement RMHC/HACER Scholarship:

Applicants must have at least one parent of Hispanic origin.

Scholarship recipients will be selected on the basis of academic achievement, financial need and community involvement

Bookmark to:

by Neil Rosenthal

Note: This is the second of a two-part series.

If you are a “doormat,” you take care of other people, and you have a hard time taking care of yourself, and allowing yourself to be taken care of.

Doormats usually need to be perfect, telling themselves things like “I always need to look good,” “I should never make mistakes,” “My security stems from what others say or feel about me,” “My fear of rejection determines how I will act in a situation” and “I feel devastated when someone criticizes me.”

Doormats also are submissive, saying to themselves, “I shouldn’t speak up to express my opinion.” I should never ague with those in authority.”  “I should make other people feel better and put my needs and feelings aside.”

Finally, doormats expect themselves to be extremely strong, thinking “I should do it all by myself.”  “I must rescue those who are in trouble or those who need me,” and “I shouldn’t get angry.”

They are good at taking care of others until they get completely used up themselves.

Lynn Namka, in her book The Doormat Syndrome, has these recommendations for changing such behavior:

• What areas in your daily life do not work well for you because you have given away your power?  How are you overextending yourself to other people?  Is your behavior related in any way to you trying to control other people?  Are you doing for them what they need to be doing for themselves?  Are you fulfilling a need to be needed?

• Think of a current issue where you have not allowed yourself to express your own opinions.  What do you fear would happen if you spoke your mind?

• Adopt an “I love you, and I love me, too” approach.  That means you won’t permit yourself to be overrun by someone else’s wants and needs.

• List as many ways as you can think of to behave in a manner that says, “I am responsible for my own actions and needs, and I’ll let him or her be in charge of meeting his/her own needs.”

• By what negative names do you call yourself?  Categorize these according to broad areas, such as physical, mental competence, or psychological traits.  Is it helpful or harmful to call yourself these names?  Is this an accurate assessment of you?  What kinder things could you say to yourself?

• Ask yourself whether what you’re getting is worth the cost.  Do you get equal value for your effort, time and money?  Do you find yourself frequently saying things such as “Things always happen to me,” “They are always doing things to cause me pain” or “Poor me”?   What benefits do you gain by being a victim or a martyr?  How has this role been harmful to you?

Make a list of activities that you have been really wanting to do but have been afraid to do.  Which would you be willing to commit to?  By when?  The real issue is learning to feel comfortable about speaking out and standing up for yourself.  You must become more of an expert at nurturing and cherishing yourself.  When you tune in to your inner wisdom, you can make good choices for yourself-choices made out of self-respect rather than out of fear.

Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Denver and Boulder, CO, specializing in how people strengthen their intimate relationships.  He can be reached at 303. 758.8777, or e-mail him from his website, heartrelationships.com.

Bookmark to:

by Bryan Golden

Life is filled with ifs.  The ever constant dilemma is, “If I do this, what will happen?”  People also lament about the past with thoughts of “If I had only done things differently.”  Then there is worry about the future with “What will I do if that happens?”

You can’t go forward in life when you are caught up in the past.  Although you can learn from the past, you can’t change it.  Getting caught up in thoughts of “if only I had done such and such then things would have been different,” is a total waste of time.

Learn the lessons your past has to teach, then focus on the ifs of the present.  Rather than becoming stressed when faced with many ifs, be thankful you live in a country that provides the freedom to have so many choices.

Ifs serve a valuable role by enabling you to evaluate various options.  One pitfall is inaction as a result of becoming overwhelmed by all of the choices.  Doing nothing is at times a valid option, but only when it is intentional, not as a result of indecision.

Make the best decision you can and move forward.  Don’t become immobilized due to paralysis by analysis.  Often, a person is afraid to make a decision because they can’t guarantee the outcome.  Some people even project negative scenarios for every if they are considering.

“What if f I change jobs and then I’m unhappy?”  “What if I go out on a date and then the other person rejects me?”  “What if I paint my living room and then don’t like the color?”  “What if I get my car fixed and then it breaks down again?”

A person who always assumes a negative outcome for each option most likely doesn’t make any decisions at all.  Or when they do, they subconsciously program their mind to produce, or attract, the very outcome they feared.

Why not anticipate a positive outcome?  It takes no more effort, yet conditions your mind to produce or attract good things.  You don’t have to be afraid.  Make your best pick based on all the information you have at the time.  The negative ifs listed above could be altered to provide a better chance of success.

“What if I change jobs and then I’m really pleased with my new position.”  “What if I go on a date and then we get along great?”  “What if I paint my living room and then love the new look?”  “What if I get my car fixed and then it serves me reliably for many more miles?”

So what if things don’t turn out the way you had hoped?  Then you come up with some more choices and change what you don’t like.  Don’t be hard on yourself.  No one gets it right every time.  All you can do is consider all of the options and then make an intelligent, informed decision.

Just as it’s pointless to bemoan the past, it is also a waste of energy to fret about the future.  When you become engrossed with the ifs of tomorrow, you take your attention away from the ifs of today.

The best way to plan for your future is to pay attention to the ifs of the present.  The person who worries about what happens if they are not happy tomorrow, isn’t going to be happy today.  A better approach is to concentrate on completing the following: “If I’m going to be happy now, then I have to do ______ today.”

Life doesn’t stand still and neither should you.  Welcome the ifs as an opportunity to live the way you want to.

NOW AVAILABLE:  “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book.  Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.   2006 Bryan Golden

Bookmark to:

Putnam Bank recently presented a check for $625 to The Last Green Valley, representing the funds raised from two promotions held by the Bank to benefit the non-profit organization.

As part of its ongoing efforts to “Go Green,” Putnam Bank made a donation to the organization for every customer who opened an ecoPlus Checking Account or switched to eStatements (electronic statements) during the weeklong anniversary celebration of their Price Chopper Branch Office. The Bank also made a donation for every customer who selected their new “Earth Friendly” Check Card through December 2008.

“We have been pleased to partner with The Last Green Valley during these past few months, and look forward to other opportunities to assist them in the future. We have been a proud sponsor of their Walking Weekends for several years, and this is just one more way we have been able to support The Last Green Valley. Putnam Bank is making efforts to reduce paper waste by offering eco-friendly alternatives to our customers and this is consistent with The Last Green Valley’s mission of preserving the natural and cultural resources of our area.”

“Putnam Bank has been a wonderful partner and generous supporter of The Last Green Valley,” said Bill Reid, Director of External affairs for The Last Green Valley. “We are very grateful to be part of the Bank’s two ‘Green’ promotions, and greatly appreciate their efforts on our behalf.”

Bookmark to: