story and photo
by Maren Schober

It is altogether fitting to be seated in the Montville Town Chambers meeting room interviewing John Geary today.  The Montville Town Hall is John’s second home, his “home away from home.”

“I have been a member of the Montville Town Council for nine years, four as chairman, a commissioner on the Water Pollution Control Authority for 13 years,  a member of the School Building Renovation Committee for six years and President of the Montville Historical Society for 14 years,”  John shares with me.

The Montville Town Hall is the former Uncasville School where John entered kindergarten in 1939. 
“I recall an incident when as a first grader I disrupted a seventh grade class by entering and describing in colorful language bullying tactics of a student and his threats to dunk my head in the toilet!  The class roared with laughter.”

Born in 1934, John is the younger of two sons born to Edward and Aurette Fournier Geary.  Following first grade at Uncasville School, John transferred to Palmer School.

“When I was in the fourth grade, my teacher, Dorothy Brown, came to live with my family. I liked her and this was not a problem for me.  Returning to visit my family about ten years later, she said to me, ‘Remember the time you came into my classroom and said, ‘Dot,  I just lost my tooth!’?’”

After the eighth grade John spent two years at Norwich Free Academy.  He then attended La Salette Seminary in Hartford to finish high school.  He dropped out of his second semester at La Salette College in Altamont, NY.  Military service followed with three years in the Army stationed in France. 
“Even though I was a lazy student in French, my background in French provided an advantage for good jobs in installation security.  When I got home I used the GI Bill and graduated from Central CT State College in 1963 earning a BS degree with a major in Social Science and minor in English.”

“After graduating from college I taught mostly English for two years in Durham and then worked four years with the CT State Welfare Department in Public Assistance, and 20 years as a Family Relations Counselor for the Superior Court, retiring in 1990.”

John was instrumental in helping to bring about extensive renovations to Palmer School which has been renamed  Palmer Academy and which is now home to the Montville Alternative High School.  He also worked to have Palmer School listed on the State Registry of Historical Places.

“Members of the Palmer family participated this past August at the rededication of Palmer School,” John tells me. 

John may be spotted working in any one of several abandoned burial grounds of Montville.  He devotes many volunteer hours to maintaining the plots.

John and his wife Donna reside on Depot Road and have one son, Scott, who is a nuclear engineer living in Knoxville, TN. 

“I think every citizen should obey the laws, vote in elections and volunteer for some national and local service if he can,” John remarks.

John is a good role model for all of us.

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by Bryan Golden

People avoid certain things for a variety of reasons.  Fear is a significant cause of avoidance.  It could be fear of failure, fear of criticism, or fear of hurt.  Difficulty is another reason people avoid something.  It’s much more appealing to take the path of least resistance than to struggle.  Lack of time is also used to justify avoidance.  An easy way out is to say you’re too busy.

Regardless of the reason, whenever you avoid something, you deprive yourself of an opportunity to grow and become stronger.  When you develop a behavior pattern of constant avoidance, you forfeit an active role in your life in exchange for a passive one.

Suppose you want to improve your physical condition.  You will have to exercise, which is a lot of work.  It’s certainly easy to avoid exercise by sitting on the couch watching TV.  You can tell yourself you’ll start tomorrow.  Or you can use the excuse of not having enough time.

The bottom line is that you will not get in shape until you start working out.  Exercise is effective because it forces your muscles to be active.  By avoiding it, you gain nothing.  The longer you avoid it, the longer it will take you to get in shape.

Avoidance may come into play when you want to go back to school.  There are many job opportunities available only to those with a college degree.  If you are interested in pursuing such a career path, but don’t have the necessary schooling, it is incumbent for you to obtain the required credentials.

It’s normal to be tired at the end of a day of work.  The most appealing option is to go home and relax.  It takes a lot of time to go to class and then put in many hours studying.  That’s why many people avoid continuing their education.

You won’t benefit from an education unless you do whatever it takes to get one.  Although many successful people have a limited formal education, education is never a limitation.  An education is an example of something people avoid although it would make them stronger.

A person may avoid personal responsibility by maintaining a dependence on others.  One can become deluded into a false sense of security believing someone else will take care of them.  The someone else can be an employer, the government, a parent, a spouse, a friend, or any other person.

When you presume someone else is responsible for your well being, you can never be at fault for anything that goes wrong.  It’s then easy to assign blame for your predicament.  However, those who look into the mirror and take personal responsibility for their situation, have much more strength to solve problems and overcome adversity.

People who assume personal responsibility don’t blame others, rather they seek to discover the cause of a problem and fix it.  Personal responsibility can be scary, but the benefits are substantial.  Those who take personal responsibility have direct control over the quality of their lives.

Surprisingly, there are people who will avoid persistence by giving up at the first sign of adversity.  They erroneously assume they have failed and are therefore justified in abandoning their quest.  Future failures can then be avoided by not attempting anything new. 

When you don’t avoid persistence, you pick yourself up whenever you stumble and keep going.  In so doing, you have the strength to overcome obstacles and ultimately succeed.

Next time you are tempted to avoid something, first consider what you may be losing through your avoidance.  You will become much stronger and have a more rewarding journey by embracing challenges rather than evading them.

NOW AVAILABLE:  “Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book.  Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.   2006 Bryan Golden

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by Neil Rosenthal

Note: This is the first of a two-part series.

I was once in a brief relationship where I fell head over heels with a woman I fully intended to marry.  When she abruptly ended out relationship-with almost no warning-the words she used were “I love you but I’m not in love with you.”   To admit that I was stunned by this rejection is an understatement.  I was reeling.

A rejection is usually accompanied with words, such as:  “The magic is gone.”   “You’re too needy.”  “You’re not the person I married.”  “I can’t be who you want me to be,” just to name a few.  If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of such words from someone you love, they can be very confusing and disorienting.  You love me but you’re not in love with me?  What the hell does that mean, exactly?
If you’ve ever been confused by someone rejecting you-or if you are now-I have compiled a list of reasons people often give when breaking up, and I’ll try to help you understand what they mean-and what, if anything, you can do about it.

What is said:  “I’ve lost myself in this relationship.”  What it really means:  It’s probably true.  What you can do:  Ask “How have you lost you, and how can we help you find yourself so you don’t feel you have to give yourself up in order to be with me?”

What is said:  “The magic is gone.”  What it really means:  It’s probably true.  What you can do:  Ask “What do you need, and what can I do, that would help us restore that magic?”

What is said:  “You’re too needy.”  What it means:  You’re leaning on me too much.  You’re too dependent on me-and perhaps insecure without my constant reassurances.  You want too much of me, or too much from me.  What you can do:  Explore how to create greater independence in the relationship, with in certain agreed upon boundaries.

What is said:  “Our religions (backgrounds, races, colors) are too different.”  What it really means:  My family will never accept you-or I won’t accept you long term-or you (or your family) won’t ever accept me.  What you can do:  Probably nothing.  You’re being told this is a deal breaker.

What is said:  “I’m not good at relationships.”  What it really means:  I’m not good at communicating my feelings, desires, needs and irritations-or in being monogamous-and  I’m not skilled enough to work through differences with you.  What you can do:  Explore whether there is any interest in your partner learning better relationship skills-and if so, go to a marriage/relationship therapist.

What is said:  “There is someone else.”  What it really means:  One of two things.  Either I am choosing someone else over you-or I am telling you this as an excuse to get rid of you.  What you can do:  Lick your wounds and then go out and find someone who wants you.  There is nothing else you can do. 

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