by Neil Rosenthal
Note: This is the first of a two-part series.
Answer true (T) or false (F) to the following statements:
1. I believe most people can be trusted.
2. I find it easy to trust those close to me.
3. The people I have loved the most are trustworthy.
4. The people closest to me throughout my life are sensitive to my needs.
5. I was raised with very responsible people.
6. I have several models of happy love relationships in my family.
7. Growing up, I could trust the adults in my family to tell the truth.
8. Communication was very clear in my family.
9. As a child, I was given good information about life.
10. Telling the truth was an important value in my family.
11. I could always trust my mother to care for me.
12. I could always trust my father to care for me.
13. I felt important growing up.
14. My earliest romantic relationships were fulfilling.
15. I felt attractive growing up.
16. I received very good sex education as a child and adolescent.
17. I came into adulthood very well prepared for relationships.
18. I felt special as a child.
19. My parents were devoted to one another.
20. I have always been trustworthy.
Now circle the answer that completes the sentence most accurately. Circle more than one if they fit. If none apply, complete the sentence on your own:
21. My biggest difficulty with trust is:
(a) not trusting enough
(b) trusting people who are not trustworthy
(c) expecting people to be perfect
(d) not trusting myself
22. In terms of jealousy, I:
(a) am rarely jealous
(b) am prone to jealousy
(c) have a jealous partner
(d) like it when my partner is jealous.
23. My personal history with trust includes:
(a) being untrustworthy
(b) breaking confidences
(c) being very trustworthy
(d) learning to be more trustworthy.
24. I am least trustworthy with:
(a) private information
(c) keeping appointments
(d) sexual fidelity
25. My greatest fears around trust have to do with:
26. Most of my love relationships were:
27. In a relationship, I am usually the one who:
(a) wins the arguments
(b) gets his/her way
(d) gives in
28. My worst fear in a relationship is:
(a) getting hurt
(b) hurting the other person
(c) getting too close
(d) losing interest
29. In a relationship, I practice:
(a) total honesty and truth
(b) selective honesty
(c) the right to privacy
(d) prying into my partner’s privacy
30. Overall my ability to trust is:
(a) healthy and balanced
(b) comfortable for me
(c) still developing
Going back over your answers, how would you evaluate your history with trust? Can you see any reflection of your history in your current relationship or recent relationships? There are no right or wrong answers to the above questions. They are designed to help you look at the past and present issues you have regarding trust.
This quiz was taken from Pat Love’s book “The Truth About Love” (Fireside). I will continue this discussion and offer recommendations about trust in next week’s column.
Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Denver and Boulder, CO, specializing in how people strengthen their intimate relationships. He can be reached at 303.758.8777, or e-mail him from his website, www.heartrelationships.com